WASHINGTON, D.C. — This past week, Congress has decided to make a bold move forward, doing a complete 180 on its usual manner of progress, and pass every bill that comes through for a while. The timespan for which this test run will last is unclear, although it seems it may last for quite a while, according to certain members.
“To be honest, we’ve been getting pretty bored,” Rep. Lee Zeldin (R) of New York told reporters. “We’ve passed, what, eight acts of major legislation over the past year? I mean, it gets kind of stale. We’d like to at least reach double digits.”
“I think it’ll be pretty exciting,” Delaware Sen. Chris Coons (D) said. “We sure as hell can’t fix the country at this pace, so why not go a little nuts? You know, for the fun of it. Decrease pay for all federal workers? I guess. Ban department stores from selling pool supplies? Whatever. Increased funding for creamed corn production? Sure, why not. Nothing else is working.”
“I think it would be pretty cool if we passed something totally crazy,” Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson (R) said in an interview. “Like, let’s become an authoritarian regime, or something kinda spontaneous like that! Let’s experiment, try new things! This tired style of never getting anything done is getting boring.”
U.S. citizens have had mixed reviews to the news.
“I think it’s great to try new things, and I’m really happy for our country for taking a step like this,” Katherine Tybone, a Texas resident, told reporters. “America is so beautiful and free because of things like this! Go America!”
“You know, I’m sure they’ll still manage to get nothing done,” Tyler Dixon of Wisconsin said. “They’ll probably just pass laws that counteract each other or somethin’. They’ll figure out a way to screw this one up. They always do.”
Marco Omta is a freshman studying music production. How do you feel about YouTube's new terms of service rules? Email Marco at mo183714@ohio.edu.
