Hello,
I'm having a sexual issue. Usually, I'm not promiscuous and don't do random hookups, but it's been almost a year since I last had sex. I've been trying to become more sexually active by picking up guys I meet at the bar, but they aren't receptive to me. What should I do?
Best,
Trying to Tramp it Up
Dear Trying to Tramp,
Are you sure you really want to be engaging in casual sex at all? I have a hard time believing you've been trying that hard to pick up men with absolutely no success.
I have a good friend in a similar position. She hasn't had sex, or much of a sufficient hookup, since breaking it off with her boyfriend quite a while ago. Most weekends, she comments about needing to find someone to hook up with but usually comes home alone. After her failed attempts at a weekend romance, she always asks what could be wrong with her.
The thing is, I don't think there's anything wrong with my friend. She's articulate, friendly, funny and pretty. While I don't usually go out with her, I have a hard time believing she can't meet men.
In my opinion, my friend doesn't actually want to engage in random sex at all. She feels like she needs to hook up because she hasn't in such a long time, but I don't think she's fully comfortable with the idea of being with someone she doesn't know.
Your situation sounds like it could be similar to hers, so you should think about what you're really looking for. It's okay if you're not looking for random sex. However, if you're looking for something more, stop trying to meet potential hookups at bars, because it's likely you'll end up disappointed.
An important thing to consider is the way you approach these men. If you're a shy person, you might think you're being really forward with these men, but maybe you're just not getting the message across.
A male friend told me when he meets a girl, he needs to know she is interested in him in
order to make the next move. Playing hard to get is fine to a point, but don't be cold. Sometimes you have to be a little obvious.
Also, it's important to remember that everyone hits a dry spell. You might feel like you're the only one not getting any, but that's hardly the case. I've found that when a person looks too hard for something, they can't find it. Worry less about your sex life and have a good time. You'll be pleasantly surprised when you break your sexless cycle.
3 Culture
Mallory Long
