Hello,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than three years and we do have a sexually active relationship. I recently found out, and he doesn't know, that my boyfriend has been looking at porn online and pictures of other women who I don't know. I feel hurt that he has to do that. I don't know why he would need to do that and it makes me feel like I am not good enough for him or pretty enough for him. Is this normal for guys to look at porn and other women online, even though they may have a girlfriend?
- Not Good Enough
Not Good Enough,
I completely understand why you are upset about your boyfriend's X-rated activity, but it's probably not as big of a deal as you're making it.
The fact of the matter is, a lot of men watch porn, whether they are young, old, single, in relationships, whatever. Even women watch porn. As for the pictures of other women
if these are women he knows or who are uninvolved in porn, that's a little weirder and inappropriate.
I had a friend in the exact same situation earlier this year. She wasn't that upset about it, but her boyfriend made a point to let her know that he didn't want her to look or behave like the women in porn and that he was attracted to her.
If you've been dating your boyfriend for three years and your relationship is still strong, your boyfriend is probably in a similar situation. The thing about porn, from what I can gather as a woman, is that men often use porn to tap into some kind of fantasy. Your boyfriend might have some ... interests that he's embarrassed about and would rather explore them on his own, rather than risk making your relationship awkward by asking you if you're willing to experiment.
While looking at porn is pretty normal (as long it isn't 24/7 or negatively impacting your sex life or other aspects of his life), you are still entitled to your feelings, and it's also normal for you to be upset by it.
It'll be awkward, but if this is really bothering you, you need to tell your boyfriend. Expect him to be a little upset with you, too, as I assume you found out about his porn habit by snooping through his Internet history. If you really found out by accident, that's one thing, but if not, you'll have some explaining to do yourself.
- Mallory Long is a junior studying journalism and women's studies. Send her your questions about sex, love and relationships in the culture section of www.thepost.ohiou.edu, at postpillowtalk@gmail.com or follow @post_pillowtalk on Twitter. 3
Culture
Mallory Long
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