I have a long-term, long-distance relationship and it’s starting to wear me down. I feel like my girlfriend and I don’t connect well anymore, emotionally or physically. I like to go out with my friends, but I get jealous when they hook up with strangers and I feel like I could (and maybe should) be doing the same. There’s a part of me that wants to go crazy, but another part that likes the stability of my marriage-like relationship and I don’t want to lose her as a friend. What do I do?
Signed, Grumpy Gregg
Dear Gregg ,
Is this your way of breaking up with your girlfriend via column? That’s cold, bro.
In all seriousness, I think we often feel the crueler thing in these situations is to break up with a person, but honestly, it’s much worse emotionally to string them along.
It may just be that the statement “marriage-like relationship” scares the jeepers out of me, but it doesn’t sound like what you have is making you happy. Honestly, the longer you string her along, the bigger risk you have of infidelity in the relationship, which will probably hurt a lot worse than a simple breakup.
And if someone told me the thing they loved most about our relationship was the “stability,” I’m not too sure I’d wanna be with them anyway — for both of our sakes.
The thing that concerns me the most, though, is that you “feel” like you should be hooking up with girls. If that’s the only thing fueling these doubts, spoiler alert, hooking up is not the end-all, be-all of collegiate happiness. Perhaps evaluate where these feelings are coming from, be they from peer pressure or simply wanting something different, and have a discussion with your girlfriend. Like adults do.
Kristin Salaky is a junior studying journalism and culture editor for The Post.
The most important thing that will get you and your long-term girlfriend through this is communication. I know that seems obvious, but it can be so easy to just let things stay under the carpet rather than bringing them out into the fluorescent light of the living room.
Telling her that this is how you’ve been feeling is crucial to your situation. Whether you wind up ending your relationship or staying with her, you owe it to her to be open about what you’ve been experiencing. To address the end of your query, treating her with the respect that accompanies honesty is the best way to stay on good grounds with her should your relationship end.
Addressing all that’s swimming around in your head is also a good way to avoid doing something stupid. If you’ve been jealous of your friends hooking up with randos at the club (or something along those lines), chances are that envy could overcome you and you could end up with one of those chicks out there. Then you end up sitting on the edge of a bed the next morning with Boone’s face after the Shannon incident in Lost.
I know. Pretty unappealing, right?
To reiterate, both you and your girlfriend deserve honesty about how you’re feeling. So tell her. It’ll probably be tough; these things always are. But just as Malcolm in the Middle’s Lois told Dewey, “Honesty is the most important thing in the world,” so I tell you. Good luck out there.
Ian Ording is a junior studying journalism and a columnist at The Post. Worried about your lack of game compared to your bros? Email us at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
