The BedPost columnist discuss one man's frustration with his girlfriends' busy schedule.
Dear bedpost,
My girlfriend has completely changed. We used to hang out all of the time and now she seems to be too busy for me with classes and clubs. I've tried to tell her this but she says that I have to try and understand. What do I do?
Reader,
I know it’s hard to believe and has never been referenced in any context ever, but people tend to be different at the beginning of relationships than they are once the newness fades out. I’m thinking of calling it “the honeymoon phase.” Pretty original, right?
It’s pretty normal to have changes in your relationship and the way that you interact. If you weren’t changing then it wouldn’t be healthy. Trust me, no one would have wanted to date 18-year-old me forever.
But, these changes are not without their growing pains. Since you’re both (I’m assuming) in college, you’re here to learn, she says sounding just like your mom, I’m sure. Your girlfriend is just trying to set herself up to have a good future and be successful. This becomes a lot more important when you’re say, a junior rather than a freshman.
You’ve said you’ve talked to her, so I’ll save my usual spiel of *communication is key* and move on to the nitty gritty. Get your own life. I’m sure you have hobbies and interests and a major and friends and things you like to eat, so go out and do that! Set yourself up for your future too! I may be projecting a little because the clock is ticking for me to graduate (4 weeks), but you’ll never regret investing in you as much as possible. It’ll make you a better person, help your career and probably, in the end, make you a better boyfriend.
Unless, of course, you’re not into that. That’s totally a thing. But, if you want someone to be around you all the time or just want someone who is more available to you than she is, it might be time to assess what you want from the relationships and take necessary steps that make you happy.
Kristin is a senior studying journalism and a slot editor at The Post.
You and I have a lot in common. I too hate it when I have a girlfriend who’s trying to do interesting things with her life and better herself as a person through taking on challenges. Wouldn’t it be better if girlfriends everywhere just stopped taking their lives too seriously and gave up on chasing at least a few dreams so as to hang out and watch TV with their boyfriends? There’s nothing worse than a woman who wants to do something of substance with herself.
That sounds bad, right? Listen dog, I know how you feel. The responsibilities ramp up for everyone in college and that takes away time from things you used to be able to take for granted. That doesn’t mean your girlfriend taking on a multitude of tasks is a bad thing. It’s the opposite of that, actually. You don’t want to rob her of becoming the best she can be and you don’t want to rob yourself of being with the best woman you can be with.
So to answer your question, what you do is more stuff. If you’re noticing she’s too busy with her schoolwork and extracurriculars, odds are you’re not busy enough yourself. I’m gonna start sounding like your high school English teacher real quick, buckle up: Don’t let your time here at college go to waste. Take advantage of all the organizations on campus who would love to have you contribute. Get involved with the College Democrats or Republicans. Run for a spot on Student Senate. Join an intramural league. Email me and copy edit for The Post. There’s so much for you to do here.
Okay, done being a teacher.
Your girlfriend is doing her best to be the best she can be. Yes, that might take up some of your cuddle time but it’s for the best in the end. And it sounds like you might be able to take a page from her book.
Get to work.
Ian Ording is a senior studying journalism and copy chief of The Post.
