It happened.
After months or weeks (or hell, if you're like me, days) of loving/loathing the single life, you're at a party, a bar or a meeting when you catch someone's eye from across the room. You eventually approach each other. Someone makes a casual joke, and you strike up a conversation that seems like it could go on forever. Before you finally tear yourself away to go home to bed or homework, you exchange phone numbers, and you can barely wait to call them.
So what's the first thing you do when you get home?
Check their Facebook profile, of course. (I know what you're thinking right now: Facebook is so old. How could she even do a column on this? Just stick with me for a minute.)
You settle in at the computer, click the Facebook link in your bookmarked sites and wait impatiently as the site loads. You log in and, ignoring the unread messages and friend details awaiting confirmation, immediately search for them and pull up their profile.
We seem to have reached what is becoming the litmus test for potential dates. More and more frequently, those of us in the relationship market rely on what Facebook tells us about a potential mate to decide whether he or she is worth calling or if we're going to answer the phone when the call comes. Although we might not want to admit it, Facebook profiles are fast becoming a way to market ourselves to future friends and mates.
So you run through the basic checklist: Is the photo attractive? Do you have friends in common? Are they Facebook friends or real friends (you know, the ones you actually hang out with, or those you just have listed to inflate your number (ego) on Facebook)? What do they like to do? What classes are they taking?
More often than not, you find something that isn't appealing. Maybe he's a literary snob, and you love sports. Maybe she loves country music, but you're into classical.
And then there are the photos, and subsequently plenty of potential turn-offs; all of the pictures are of her at some party with a drink in her hand or with a different boy on her arm. Or even worse, maybe there aren't any photos. Then you might start to wonder if he has any friends. I even have a friend who checks the number of wall posts, which intimidates me, because people don't usually write on my wall.
So you've finally seen the profile, and your elation over meeting someone new has turned to nausea. You wonder how much you possibly could have in common with this person and if they are worth taking the time to get to know. You wait for them to call you, knowing that you will turn down any advances they make. So, yet again Facebook has torpedoed another potential relationship.
When I started considering what Facebook profiles tell people we don't know very well, I went through the profiles of all the boys that I've dated or considered dating. As I sat there and read through the profiles, a thought occurred to me ' I wouldn't have wanted to date any of these boys if I had seen their profile first.
Would I picture myself dating someone who openly admits that he loves The Blues Brothers and Reaganomics in his Facebook profile? Absolutely not; I'm a political liberal who thought The Blues Brothers was a band primarily and not a movie. But I did, and I enjoyed it. Did we argue over who picked the radio station and national economic policies? Of course we did. But that's part of what made it fun.
So here's a thought: the next time you meet someone, don't run to the computer to scope him out. Do it the old-fashioned way, call him or her and go out for dinner and spend a couple of hours with him before you decide to write him off.
Go ahead. Even if you saw the profile, and you're freaked out that she likes NASCAR or that he's a liberal. Turn off the computer. Give him or her a call and give him a fair shot. Chances are, who he or she really is could be a thousand times better than what the profile tells you.
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Casey Westlake
