Folks, I know this is a humor column, but I want to take this time to talk to you about a serious subject. You’re all aware of the tragedy that happened during winter break: the senseless, horrific murder of 27 innocent people, including 20 children, in Newtown, Conn. Some humorists believe that it’s never too soon to joke about any subject, but I believe that if anything in this world is untouchable, the mass murder of schoolchildren has got to be it. There’s nothing funny about what happened in Sandy Hook, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
A few months ago, I was watching the local news in my hometown of Cincinnati when I saw an advertisement for a news special. The report focused on a supposed drug epidemic that was particularly affecting the Kentucky suburbs: heroin.
There’s some presumably dead wise person who said we learn from our mistakes. Usually this is true, because I’m pretty sure none of Taylor Swift’s exes have been her ex more than once. However, there are a few of us that contradict that adage, and I am one of them.
Apple pie and baseball are just a couple things that people call “uniquely American.”
The ending of the 2012 season was bittersweet for National Hockey League fans throughout the country. At that time, fans waited in excitement for the playoffs, yet they also worried as the NHL’s labor dispute was not far behind. The dispute officially began Sept. 15 at 11:59 p.m. EDT, marking the second lockout in the last eight years.
American people are frankly tired of the government disappointing them — especially when it’s an issue regarding their safety.
I’m an unhappy person.
Since this is a column about beer, we decided the best thing would be to skip reviewing a beer on the first week and instead talk about that wonderful beverage that humans have been brewing for thousands of years.
When many people think about fishing, their first thought is often a redneck named Bubba drinking Busch Light in a lawn chair, casting a worm on a hook. They think fishing is all about being lazy and lucky. However, this could not be further from the truth.
To be honest, when I hear the word “socialite,” I shudder a little. My mind conjures images of Hiltons and Kardashians, wealthy women who have only really contributed sex tapes and guilty-pleasure reality shows to our culture.
Campus Care …. cares.
It’s hard out here for a girl gamer. You walk into a Game Stop perusing for yourself and are instantly ogled like the rarest Pokémon. Yes, boys, some girls do like to play video games. We want to be badass superheroes and villains, too. We want to wield the weapons you can. We especially want to kick your butt in your favorite game when we can. And sometimes we even like to play Madden.
In recent years, the absence of a playoff system in college football has generated controversy from analysts and sports fans throughout the country. People felt that smaller programs such as Boise State or Northern Illinois were not being given the recognition that their almost blemish-free records had indicated. To put it simply, schools like those have no chance in a national championship because they do not fall under the category of a “big-name program.”
Like many American children, I spent a lot of my childhood “playing guns” in my neighborhood, emulating my hero Davy Crockett.
What do you do with a girl whose only sports knowledge is that the Browns play football — and that Ohio University’s hockey team has at least one fine-looking player?
On Jan. 10, as Vice President Joe Biden was scheduled to address the nation, he was interrupted by news that two students had been killed at Taft High School in California.
Welcome back from the holiday season! Over break, we’ve eaten candy canes, turkeys, pudding, fruit cake and pies of all varieties.
The door of the cabin creaked open, and from my spot in the shadows I narrowed my eyes at the intruder who stepped through its frame. I knew him immediately: that sinister build, those piercing eyes. “It’s been a long time, Vido,” I growled. “If you’re here for the money, I already spent it. Tell your mother I said thanks.”