If you have to start pulling up your pants, I'll have to start tying my shoes, and then where will we be? I have a bad back, and I can't reach that far. Some Democrat down in Louisiana introduced a bill last week making it a violation of the law to wear one's pants too low. This offense would be punishable by a $500 fine and six months in jail. The idiot finds low-riding pants to be offensive. So the Chief of the Fashion Police is doing us all quite the favor by making it illegal.
I mean, if you have to stop wearing your stiletto heels for your walk down bricked Court Street, I'll have to stop wearing my bluchers, and then where will we be? I need a casual yachting shoe for my walk to class. I'm the biggest fashion critic there is, especially during Spring Quarter in Athens. You people look like clowns. But do we really need a law? Isn't the penalty of looking like a buffoon bad enough? What's next? Is he going to set our school clothes out for us?
If I have to stop wearing grey sweat socks, you'll have to stop wearing hoop earrings and black pants to Ping, and then where will we be? That stuff helps you balance on the elliptical machine, right? Sadly, this is just another in a long line of dim-witted regulations proposed and enacted in this free country. These imbecile politicians and other worrywarts trying to be our mothers are wasting everyone's time and money. They honestly don't have more pressing issues? Like taking care of the fathers who have heart attacks when they find out what their daughters have been wearing. Let me critique the nitwit wearing wristbands to class. I'm a student at OU. I have all kinds of free time.
So if I have to stop wearing my linen chinos, you'll have to stop wearing your ruffled miniskirt, and then where will we be? I honestly think it's wonderful that you're honoring homely early-'90s women's tennis players with your wardrobe. This regulatory stuff never turns out well. There are communities in California where bunny huggers don't like buildings to be more than a few stories high. So the legislators made laws outlawing tall buildings. Now it takes two five-story buildings to do the same thing as one 10-story place. So not only is rent higher, but more land is paved over and everything is more spread out. Thus Joe Six-pack needs a new SUV and more gas to get around. And now the hippies are really pissed off.
Seriously, if you can't wear multicolored striped shirts, then I can't wear Izod or Lacoste polos, and then where will we be? The country club requires a collar around the clubhouse. In some places you can't even smoke a cigarette in a bar. I hate smelling like stale Marlboros as much as the next guy, but come on. It's a bar. WHO studies have repeatedly shown that secondhand smoke doesn't cause cancer. But we better make sure, so let's make a law against it. Laws should be reserved for real problems and threats to society. Like Junction Punch.
If I can't wear my linen pants, then you can't wear your capri pants, and then where will we be? I need someone to go clean up the flood in my basement. We're big kids; we know cigarettes are bad for us. We know to tuck our shirts in when we go to a job interview. You don't need to make it illegal. At some point, government has gone well beyond what it's supposed to do. At some point, the large size of government starts getting in the way of what we are about in America. At some point, it's just too big for that ruffled miniskirt.
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Jack Keating
