Springtime brings Ohio University's most annoying pastime: Student Senate candidates and their equally irrelevant parties make noise, shove fliers in our faces and irritate the hell out of us while we go to class, eat in the dining halls and otherwise do more productive things than run for Student Senate.
Why is it that the student body couldn't care less about Student Senate? My contention is that we're busy with our own student organizations. Collectively, our groups add much more to the campus through our individual community service, fundraisers and activities. Because each group specializes in one area and its members are interested in accomplishing those specific goals, we just operate much more efficiently. Student Senate is general, tries to be everything for everybody and brings typical Student Senate-like results.
Plus, Student Senate can only make resolutions. Those resolutions can merely suggest, recommend, urge, request and express the need for something. They don't do anything. They suggest, recommend, urge, request and express the need for someone else to do it. For instance:
Whereas: all of the resolutions created by Student Senate are equal to manure, therefore, Resolved: Student Senate urges Facilities Management to spread resolutions across College Green to encourage greener grass.
Unfortunately, most of Student Senate's resolutions aren't nearly as beneficial as fertilizing green space on campus. Most of them are for things like building more lockable, single-user restrooms or raising graduation fees so we can be bored to death by a big name speaker during commencement. In other words, they express the need for someone else to spend more of our money on things most of us don't want.
This year's crop of candidates is no different than those of the past three. Tacky slogans backed by 42-point platforms promising things like lowering tuition by $3,000, getting the football team to the Orange Bowl and raising everyone's GPA by 1.2 points. The Driven Party is going to get us better dining hall food. The K.E.G. Party will repeal the nuisance-party law. The Boston Tea Party will make sure all the showers on campus have hot water and require a $1 donation. With any luck, it would fund more vocabulary courses to teach Boston Tea Party candidates the meaning of the word donation.
(By the way, Tea Party, your platform calls for an increase in greek participation because Miami has twice as many greek kids. If you want to be more like Miami, go run for Miami Student Senate.)
I've had a pretty good experience here in my four years. I've made quality friends, gotten to know some great professors and learned a thing or two about life. No amount of cold showers, Student Senate impeachments or lack of lockable, single-user restrooms will take away from that. I've had a great time in spite of what Student Senate may or may not have expressed the need for someone else to do.
I do have some suggestions on making Student Senate more effective. Ditch the 42-point plans and concentrate on one thing. Every so often, Student Senate helps bring something positive to campus, like the new student center. If there is one political truth it's that all great leaders stick to one or two issues. Who was more successful: Reagan and his two goals or Carter and his 500?
The Driven Party has by far the best idea with an eBay-style Web site where we can sell our textbooks, find apartments, etc. Concentrate on getting this done and done well. If you want to make a difference and have the student body to recognize you as legitimate, you don't have time to make resolutions about the number of lockable, single-user restrooms.
-Keating is a senior accounting major. Send him an e-mail at thecincinnatikid3@yahoo.com.
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Jack Keating
