I want to state for the record that I do not take steroids or any performance-enhancing substances. It doesn't matter that there is no drug in existence that improves journalistic ability. I have not taken performance enhancers.
Last week, a congressional committee took on one of the pressing issues of our time: steroids being used by players in baseball. You may know the names of some of the accused: Roger Clemens, Mark McGuire, Jose Canseco. However, the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform made a special place on the docket to ask old-as-dirt Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens whether or not he had juiced up. Clemens' former minor league teammates from back in the day ' Noah, Gilgamesh and Melchizedek ' were not available for comment.
Now, even though I hail from the government that legislates the least
legislates the best school of political thought, having House hearings about juiced-up players seems a bit, well G? petty. Is there no other corruption in the government for the Government Reform Committee to hold hearings about?
I can think of three members of Congress who should be far ahead of Clemens in the line to get clotheslined by the Long Arm of the Law: Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid and Barney Frank. All have committed crimes, all are Democrats and all have gotten off scot-free.
Ted Kennedy, alcoholic extraordinaire, drove a woman home from a party back during the 1980s. He missed the Chappaquiddick River bridge road and hit the Chappaquiddick River. He got out of the car, left the trapped woman in the sinking car and promptly called his lawyer. Barney Frank's roommate, back in 1987, ran a homosexual prostitution ring out of Frank's apartment. Frank paid his roommate for sexual favors and helped the roommate run the business. Interestingly, both of those things are illegal.
So there the Government Reform Committee was, wasting your taxes as they dithered over who said what, when and where. I lost interest somewhere around 15 minutes in, when I realized that the Hardy Boys weren't going to bust in and point to the murderer. I think this is the reason that I'd make a bad senator or representative, because I'd actually feel bad about wasting people's money on figuring out whether or not an athlete used a federally allowed substance. I think that the rest of the committee would have a problem with me wondering aloud why the committee was interfering with the inner workings of a legitimate business. I think that kind of thing is frowned upon by Robert's Rules of Order.
Federally allowed monopoly or not, why must Major League Baseball ask Congress to play umpire on the taxpayer's dime? Why can't Bud Personal Vendetta Against Pete Rose Selig handle this internally? Or if he must take the game to Congress, why can't he foot the bill?
When you file your taxes in the spring, and look at the amount you're giving to Uncle Sam, just think of the 41 committee members, led by Henry Waxman. Just think of the hard work that they've done. Just think of the hours they spent discussing corruption in sports, in a government that is full of corruption.
Remember that the House committee that is doing this is run by an archliberal Democrat and is composed mostly of Democrats. Draw your conclusions accordingly.
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Jesse Hathaway
