It's that time of year, folks. The leaves are returning to the trees, the temperature is pretty consistently above 70 degrees, and there are innumerable parties with names in the format of blank-fest at which you can get completely rocked in every sense of the word.
But for those of you who have lost interest in the physical activities of springtime, such as Ultimate Frisbee, shirtless football and see-who-can-sun-the-longest-and-not-burn, then I come bearing good news! For now is the time when I unveil the new sports crazes that will be taking over the nation, and possibly ... the world!
First is a sport from all the way over in Cincinnati, the Queen City. It's called Punk'll and it is a delight. Invented quite recently in the suburban areas of the city, the game is played in two rounds:
Round the First: Gather a group of your friends, pick a leader and take a short amount of time to gather random objects (randomness is a must). Set them aside, they will come into play in round two. One person in the group is deemed the Punk'ller
and they are required to get on all fours. The group chooses a random topic, lets say ... Albums that begin with Q. Players line up and jump over the Punk'ller yelling clearly their choice for the topic (i.e. Quadrophenia). Round one is over when someone runs out of things to say.
Round the Second: The leader takes one of the aforementioned random objects, holds it over his head, and gathering the force of the Four Winds shouts, PUNK'LL!! (extra exclamation points may be added on at will). The leader then hurls the random object as far away as he can, and the contestants must seek after the item and bring it back to the leader. The first one to do so is the new Punk'ller and thus begins a new cycle of Punk'll. According to the creators: Punk'll actually never ends
it's [sic] a cycle ' once you feel like stopping
you yell 'Punk'll break!
' so it's [sic] less of an ending and more of the beginning of an indefinite hiatus.
For more information on Punk'll, search the term Punk'll on Facebook and you should get a group about it.The second sport comes from the wildernesses of Siberia, where the inhabitants must fend for their lives against wolves, snow, and demonic mongooses (mongoosi?). It is called, in the native Russian, Severnyatsen.
There are no restrictions per se on Severnyatsen except that it must be played in those funny Russian hats with the ear-flaps that look really warm. First, you must get a group of at least three people together. When you've assembled yourselves, like so much Voltron, find a good open space, like one of the greens, and find a squirrel. Or a chipmunk, I suppose. Any small-to-medium-sized rodent will do; it shouldn't be too difficult. It's not like they haven't taken over the campus or anything with their cute, bushy tails and twitchy noses. But I digress. All of you must then don your funny hats and begin chasing after the rodent screaming SEVERNYATSEN! (which of course translates to squirrel in a tree!).
Whichever person is leading the group chasing the squirrel when it inevitably finds its way into a tree must then be pelted with funny hats by the other people playing. After all hats are gathered up again, the game begins anew. The final game for the 07-08 spring season should be familiar to those of you who enjoy the television program The Office, as it featured prominently in the office Olympics. Of course, I refer here to Flaunkerton, the Icelandic sport of competitive paper box racing. The rules are simple. Find boxes in which they store paper ' ask at Baker, I'm sure they have some lying around ' and tie strings around the top that are tight enough to stay on but loose enough to allow them to be slipped over a foot. Get two contestants and four boxes and race up or down Morton Hill! Good times will be had for all!
Until next time, sports fans.Nick Philpott is a freshman creative writing major and a copy editor for The Post. To challenge him in Severnyatsen, send him an e-mail at np714907@ohiou.edu.
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