Hi,
I'm from Colombia, and I have an American girlfriend. I've known her since last summer, but our relationship started a month ago. We both agree that our sexual life has been great, but she claims that it is really hard for her to get an orgasm, so she asked me to include a vibrator as an addition to our sex.
I just don't know what to think. Is that OK? Will including a vibrator affect our relationship in a good or a bad way?
- Jaime
Hello Jaime,
While it is okay to incorporate a vibrator into your sex life, it could affect your relationship positively or negatively, depending on how you handle the situation. The key to successful use of toys during sex is honesty and comfort.
Are you sure your girlfriend is being honest with you about her sexual satisfaction in your relationship? From what you have said, it sounds as if your girlfriend wasn't happy with your sex life to begin with. You should talk with your girlfriend and see if she really is as happy with your sex life as she says she is. If not, you should talk about the things she wants out of sex and how you can work together to make sex an enjoyable experience for both of you.
Also, are you comfortable with the idea of bringing toys into the bedroom? If not, suggest other ways to make your sex more exciting, such as new positions or games you can find at a novelty store, such as Spencer's. If you decide to use a vibrator, you should ease into using the toys and stop if you are feeling too uncomfortable. If you aren't enjoying yourself, the sex is likely to get worse.
If you have had this discussion and still decide you want to start using sex toys like a vibrator, continue to work together and don't start off too ambitiously.
Pick out all sex toys together. You can do this online or at the local novelty shop Passionate Kisses, 21 Kern St. There are many types of vibrators: clitoral vibrators, G-spot vibrators and combination, in many sizes and styles. If she doesn't know what she wants, give her some time to think about the options before making any purchases. I suggest starting with something small, such as the My Private O Vibrator, available at adamandeve.com for $12.95.
When it comes to using the items you and your girlfriend have purchased, ask her to show you how she would like them to be used. The whole point of the toys is to enhance her - and hopefully, in turn, your - sexual experience, so there's no point in using them if you're using them wrong.
My last piece of advice is to try to consider thinking outside the box about vibrators and consider using something that could enhance both of your sexual pleasure.
Vibrators are pretty one-sided, but many companies make vibrating cock rings that still allow for intercourse while stimulating your girlfriend's clitoris, which is less intrusive than a vibrator and allows you to share the experience.
Again, the key to any relationship is keeping the lines of communication open. Being honest with each other is the only way to ensure happiness in the long run.
3 Culture
Mallory Long
