In Monday morning nutrition class, a groggy coed always seems to ask what poison she should pick next time she elopes to the bar. On occasion, she'll harp about how the little bit she drinks undermines the rest of what she does right (And I'm a vegetarian! she moans).
The peanut gallery rolls its eyes, and not out of self-righteousness. Au contraire: it's something every Bobcat has pawpawed at once or twice.
Until you've lived through it, you'll never know how unceremonious being 20 years old is. For this matter of legality, I tend to skirt Palmer and Mill streets some weekends. In lieu of entering the fray, I don my skimpy answer to booty shorts and sneakers and go for a jog.
Yet the question resonates: Which drink of choice in town is the healthiest? In our culture of career Court Street shufflers, is there a way to flatten our guts and preserve our intoxicated infamy?
Obviously Athenians aren't filling their Solo cups and saucepans with saké, nor is it fair to assume every hooligan in town guzzles tinpot brews like Natural Light and Keystone Light.
To break things down, I've categorized Athens' fire waters into four groups: shots, mixed drinks, higher-end beers with more than 5 percent of alcohol and, more water than fire, the cheaper brands of about 5 percent.
Liquors are hard to argue against: they're relatively cheap for what you get, the carbs are distilled out of them and tastes are arbitrary. Calorically, a standard drink of 80-proof liquor matches the lightest of beers.
More alcohol content typically results in more calories. A standard drink of Everclear, however small, equates to three times as many calories than an earthly shot of Admiral Nelson.
Once you start masking the liquor with chasers and mixes, the calories amass. A simple screwdriver has two to three times as many calories as a shot of vodka and 30 to 50 more grams of carbohydrates. That's up to a sixth of what the FDA says we should consume daily. The only silver lining is that you'd be set in the Vitamin C department for the next two or three days, pending your brand of OJ.
Screwdrivers are on the healthier end of mixed drinks, as are simpler liquor-soda concoctions and several Athens specials like 19 South's Fluffers and Lucky's Lemonade. Bloody Marys also top the list. Long Island Iced Teas and margaritas are notorious for their calories (380 and 550, respectively), but come in several standard drinks. The same holds true for sugary Black Widows.
What to avoid? Jägerbombs. Vitamin B aside, Red Bull's punch gives drinkers a false sense of sobriety and is thought to lead to more traffic accidents.
If you're looking to avoid the college drinking stereotype, Keystone Ice or Budweiser are your best bets. With a little more substance to abuse than their aqueous counterparts, Budweiser delivers just 145 calories and 10.6 grams of carbs, while Keystone Ice tallies 142 calories and 5.9 grams of carbs. Calorie-wise, the two stand unmatched. You'd be hard-pressed to find anything as carb-conscious as Keystone Ice.
It turns out in the land of calories and price, King Natty reigns supreme. Weighing in at 95 calories and 3.2 grams carbohydrates, Natural Light beats out other house party favorites Pabst Blue Ribbon (153 calories, 12 grams) and Keystone Light (103 calories, 5 grams). But an extra dollar in the hat buys you drinks a smidge healthier, like Michelob Ultra, which has Natural Light's stats with only 2.6 grams of carbs.
There's a lesson amid the numbers. I want to go out
remarked one bro on Jeff Hill, but I'm getting a gut. He patted the said solar plexus.
Moderation is no longer reserved for avoiding alcohol poisoning or alcoholism. The limit learning process is a likely culprit for the Freshman 15. Bleary-eyed underclassmen who come back to the dorms in taxis Sunday mornings are the ones who really internalize this.
Adam Liebendorfer is a sophomore studying journalism and Spanish and a columnist for The Post. If you've developed Vitamin Beer, send him an e-mail him at al211307@ohiou.edu 4
Opinion
Adam Liebendorfer
