No matter how hard we try, college students never get enough sleep. On any given weekday, 95 percent of the people walking about campus exhibit the same spacey, zombie-like look of sleep-deprived students. Weekends, although technically the perfect opportunity to catch up on work, aren't much better. Students practically become nocturnal, partying 'til 4 a.m. I calculated the amount of homework my professors assigned each week and, even subtracting all social interactions, satisfactorily completing every task is an impossible feat. Inevitably, sleep must be sacrificed.
Two weeks ago, after discovering I had three midterms scheduled for the same day, I studied six days straight, sleeping only when absolutely necessary (not advisable). Normally, I can sustain a sporadic sleep schedule without much consequence, but I found that exceeding four days causes extreme disorientation and crippled mental capacity. By day five, following two all-nighters, I had lost all sense of time and, at 10:30 p.m., asked my roommates if they had eaten yet (needless to say, they had).
If I drank coffee, perhaps I could counter late nights and puffy eyes with caffeine, but I can't stand the taste. Several individuals have attempted to make me the perfect cup of coffee to no avail. My perfect cup contains a maximum of four tablespoons coffee, a half-cup of cream, three packs of sugar and either caramel or chocolate - a mixture that is met with utter contempt by coffee addicts.
Of course, the great thing about college is that naps are acceptable anytime, anywhere, offering a quick fix to sleep-deprivation. A 20-minute power nap can do wonders for one's stamina! If I have an hour between classes, I occasionally stop by Donkey Coffee and Espresso, which is equipped with many comfortable armchairs and couches perfect for napping (I place a book on my chest so that it appears I fell asleep reading). However, curling up in lobby chairs works just as well. On several occasions, I've also resigned to napping on the study lounge floor, although strictly during all-night study sessions, when climbing that extra flight of stairs to my bedroom becomes downright impossible. However, I've discovered that naps are far less permissible at home. My one attempt to nap at 3 p.m. this summer resulted in my parents' belief that I'd contracted a fatal illness.
Currently, I'm considering a new solution to sleep-deprivation called the Polyphasic Sleep method, where one - supposedly - can train the body to sleep 20 minutes every four hours and still be well rested. Imagine, I would only have to sleep an accumulative of two hours a day, perfect for the busy college student!
Irony Factor: This column was written at 1 a.m.
Mel Byko is a sophomore studying creative writing and columnist
for The Post. Tell her how you defeated sleep at ab140409@ohiou.edu
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Mel Byko
