With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, you can be sure that Hollywood is just waiting to release its latest arsenal of romantic comedies so every woman in America can begrudgingly drag her significant other to see it.
Throughout the years, men have claimed that these inauthentic love stories hold the entire male population to some impossible standards that are instilled in the minds of delusional script writers — but are they right?
In my opinion, it is the female viewers who are often the most overlooked victims of these fantastical films. No sane man is going to follow you clear across the country just because he used to have a crush on you in high school nor is he going to suck your blood so you can stay together for all eternity. These sorts of men just don’t exist outside of insane asylums, so I advise you to quit looking for them.
The point of the matter is: Movies lie. They depict men in such a fictitious way that I cannot help but be appalled by the number of women who actually take the concocted scenes to heart.
After analyzing just a few of my favorite romantic comedies, I have come up with a list of what I believe to be the most obvious examples of Hollywood fabrication.
1. Men who act like jerks are really just poor tortured souls that have, most likely, been abused in the past.
There is no excuse for a man who treats you like anything less than a lady.
2. The more rude, obnoxious and immature his friends are the more likely he is to be a perfect gentleman.
Generally a man gravitates towards friends with similar interests and morals. He chose his companions for a reason and usually — unlike in most films — their crude actions eventually rub off on his personality.
3. True love means being able to read the other’s every thought.
Despite what Hollywood would have you believe, love is not telepathic. Your man cannot simply know that you are upset he didn’t bring you flowers or that you wanted to go to the Italian restaurant. Do everyone involved a favor here and just tell him what’s on your mind.
4. Doctors, lawyers and businessmen often make the best boyfriends.
In reality, although these men may be banking the most, they are typically the most lacking in emotional bonds. Why? Because their type of work requires long work hours and an almost complete emotional disconnect.
5. Men like women who take stereotypical female professions. (i.e. teacher, nurse, chef, book editor).
Not that there is anything remotely wrong with these professions, I just wanted to clarify that real men find power sexy.
6. When a man falls in love he magically gains the ability to not only sing you a love song but write the entire ballad himself.
While one man may be able to serenade you with his original words of love, another may simply do so in his day-to-day actions. Perhaps surprising you with your favorite candy or showing up to your sports game, whatever the action I want to stress that no one man is better than another based only on his talents.
7. It isn’t true love unless you experience a roller coaster of emotions.
Real love is about feeling warm and comfortable in your relationship. There may be small bumps along the way but for the most part, you feel content. Passion is overrated if it is always followed by heartbreak, pain and eventual despair.
8. As long as you look good, men don’t care about your crazy family, psychotic breaks or even if your past life was spent hooking on Sunset Boulevard.
It doesn’t matter if you look like Megan Fox, most men would prefer a normal woman with natural looks and a rather stable psyche over a smokin’ hot nymph carting an entire truckload of emotional baggage.
9. Fighting should only happen once per relationship and should only come as the result of a frivolous miscommunication.
I recently read an interview in which the couple, who had been together for more than 70 years, claimed they fought every single day of their marriage. According to their philosophy, it kept them from holding long-term grudges and helped to keep minor nuances from spiraling out of control. Fighting is not only natural — it’s beneficial.
10. Your best guy friend is always in love with you.
It used to be thought that men and women could never be “just friends;” there was always bound to be sexual tension of some sort. I’m here to tell you they’re wrong. Sometimes men and women just relate to each other on a strictly congenial level.
Do not always assume every guy wants in your pants because often, he really doesn’t.
Rachel Sayers is a freshman studying journalism and a columnist for The Post. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.