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Wit & Banter: Good luck doesn't grace everyone's existence

I’ve recently decided that I really hate coincidences, karma and luck. You may say I’m bitter because I haven’t had any good experiences with any of the three, and for that, I’d say you are correct. But that’s not to say I haven’t tried to give them a chance!

My encounters with these three evils can be compared to a blind date gone wrong. You first meet a guy, he’s gorgeous, and he pulls out your chair for you at dinner. But you quickly discover that you have absolutely nothing in common. You’ve never trusted blind dates, but you gave this one a chance because you were feeling optimistic.

That is, until the realization sets in that his “quick restroom break” was actually an escape tactic, and you’re left awkwardly sitting at a fancy table for two … alone.

I think that some of the most unfortunate and weird occurrences purposely pick me out of a crowd just for kicks on a daily basis.

For example, coincidence and I really don’t get along. Nine times out of 10, if I’m trying to avoid a particular person, I inevitably and coincidentally bump into them. This usually happens about eight seconds after I’ve thought to myself, “Man, I really hope I don’t see so-and-so today.”

After carefully choosing the perfect study spot in the library, I look up to find an ex-boyfriend staring back at me. Thank goodness that relationship ended on a happy note …

Beside my unfortunate stints with weird coincidences, I’ve really tried to cut karma some slack, but it still hasn’t been working out. Once, I gave a $10 gas card to some woman at a gas station who claimed she needed gas money to try and get back to Georgia.

Another time, a homeless man convinced me that he needed $13.24 for McDonald’s for his family, and I gave him the $11 dollars I had in my pocket. I thought I was being such an upstanding, generous citizen and truly believed karma would pay me back. Turns out, karma just taught me how gullible I am, and he made off with my hard-earned money.

And if you want an idea of how lucky I am, I can give you a perfect example. In high school, I went to school early and parked my car in a totally empty parking lot. I was so excited that I got a space close to the front doors and smiled stupidly to myself as I walked into the building.

Two minutes later, I’m called to the office because a car in the parking lot hit me. It wouldn’t have been so unusual except that this car coasted from the parking space across from mine … with nobody inside it. That’s right, a car without a driver smashed mine in an otherwise deserted parking lot. Just my luck!

So the next time you find a 20-dollar bill on the sidewalk, think of me and count yourself lucky. After all, I was probably the one who dropped it.

Tanya Parker is a junior studying broadcast journalism and a columnist for

The Post. Email her at tp259109@ohiou.edu.

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