So, I’ve been reading some Fifty Shades of Grey, but I had never been introduced to that kind of sex life until my long-term boyfriend pulled some of those S&M moves the other night when we were drunk. That was the first time it’s happened and it hasn’t happened since then, but should I ask him if that’s what he likes? And would it be so wrong?
-Fifty Shades of Confusion
I have never read any of the thousand-book series that make up the Fifty Shades books. I hear they are good, but you’re talking to someone who physically refused to read or watch The Hunger Games until trapped in a car playing the audiotapes. Basically, I need to get on this bandwagon.
But from what I do know (as well as most Americans who own a TV or ears), the books involve graphic scenes depicting BDSM in the bedroom. It follows the relationship between a 22-year-old college girl and an older entrepreneur. The man has a desire to meet a BDSM bombshell and the woman is a virgin — sounds like an idea for a book or something, huh?
Besides selling copies off the shelves however, the same BDSM details receive a lot of criticism. I’ve been reading a lot more about BDSM as I recently found out that many play parties exist here in Athens. Let me explain:
BDSM play parties involve a group of consenting adults who choose to partake in bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism — a real mouthful (sometimes literally). Typically, no drugs or alcohol are allowed at parties. It is unsafe for either the dominant or submissive person to be under the influence while acting out what is called a “scene.”
Scenes involve all sorts of toys from ropes and whips to hot wax and electro stimulation. These toys are kept clean and not frequently shared. Participants choose from playing with any partner, a specific partner or simply observing. Many couples attend BDSM play parties to meet and socialize with others who share their fantasies.
Sex, though, does not always play a part in BDSM. Actually, penetration is usually off-limits. Those who need to finish with a form of penetration are asked to do so in private after the party. It’s not just a giant spike-collar filled orgy in a dungeon, folks.
So is it right or wrong? Well, walking a grown man on a leash may seem strange (really though, I think all men need muzzles). But these adults choose what is right or wrong for their own bodies. There are Dungeon Masters serving as referees and a known safety word. BDSM is not about putting women down or bullying — it is about the right to explore sexual desires with a group of cool-cat, like-minded people. Isn’t that why our forefathers did that make-their-own-country thing years ago? Freedom.
I am not saying you and your beau should go to a play party. I am simply showing that it happens, you are not alone and weird. You may not live life on the pages of a steamy novel, but you can still amp things up in the bedroom. I do suggest the next time you and your boyfriend play BDSM that you do so sober. Not only is it safer, but also, a less foggy memory will help you decide whether to be a doll or a dominatrix.
Steph Doan is a senior studying journalism. Do you have a secret sexual fantasy you think is weird, or just need relationship advice? Send her your questions at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
