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Post Column: Attic stowaway had bad approach to romance

Let me just start by saying, if you ever feel like your life is a culmination of awkward, bizarre events you can’t escape: You’re not alone. Whenever I’m having a bad day or I feel as though my life is a living rendition of Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic,” I find myself stumbling through the only news that makes me feel better: The Huffington Post’s “Weird News.” 

I’m not saying these headlines will restore your faith in humanity or anything, but it’s a nice change of scenery from the brainwashing political ads we can’t seem to escape right now.  And here and there, the odd-news gods will deliver with a gem such as this one from The Huffington Post:

“Tracy [last name withheld], a Rock Hill, S.C., resident and single mother of five, says she heard a thump from above and saw nails popping out from her bedroom ceiling Saturday, Yahoo News reported.”

Immediately, Tracy said she felt “something just ain’t right.” Naturally, one might assume that there was an animal in the attic, maybe a raccoon of some sort. Tracy, on the other hand, thought, “there was some poltergeist stuff going on.”

Turns out, it wasn’t a raccoon or troubled spirit … it was her ex-boyfriend who had just been released from prison. I might be able to justify his thought process as a “crazed ex-lover” if the breakup was recent. However, Tracy and the suspect had parted ways more than 12 years ago!

Tracy’s adult sons and her nephew found him asleep in the back of the attic.

They also found several Sonic cups filled with feces and urine, according to a local TV station.

According to the story, Tracy’s ex-boyfriend was peering through the ceiling vents into her bedroom from the attic. 

“It’s got me flabbergasted,” Tracy told the Charlotte Observer. “How can you look at someone though an air vent?”

Well, Tracy, I’m not entirely sure, but here’s a question for you: how did you not realize someone was living in your attic for two weeks?

Anne Frank once said, “I live in a crazy time, but I keep my ideals because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

It’s one thing to hide in an attic from Nazis, but it’s quite another to hide in your ex’s attic for creepy, homeless amusement. 

I know everyone has his or her fair share of ex drama, but I think Tracy’s situation takes the cake on this one. 

Instead of trying to rekindle his relationship the normal way, he decided to live off Sonic and passion for a few weeks in his ex’s attic. I’m not sure I follow, but I suppose the heart wants what the heart wants. 

Whatever his reasoning, this suspect is still at large, which means he could be in an attic or Sonic near you.  

Casey Compernolle is a junior studying journalism at

Ohio University. Have you ever found your ex in your attic? Email her at cc150709@ohiou.edu.

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