My boyfriend and I have been having sex for three months now and I still haven’t orgasmed. How do I get turned on more so that I can get off?
The female orgasm — what a plight. Get it right, get it tight — if only.
Achieving the female orgasm is tougher than rap songs might lead ladies to believe. It’s about motion, emotion, notion and, in certain situations, lotion. It takes so many separate components you may even think you need a potion (not roofies).
What’s a woman got to do to have an orgasm? This is such a common question. I hear it on busy streets, at wine parties and being shouted from rooftops (usually around 3 a.m. or so during the weekends). It’s as if a female orgasm is more scarce than a man who willingly watches TLC.
Stop thinking.
Let me start by saying I would never, ever (even if Taylor Swift and her boyfriend do get back together) encourage a woman to not use her brain. It’s just not a bright idea, and usually leads to wearing Spanx or entering beauty pageants. But when it is time to unleash in a toe-curling, total body-pleasing endeavor, let go and unwind a little.
For men, it’s so much easier, because once sex is put on the table, their prime goal is getting their nuts off. It’s not hiding cellulite, or worrying what it tastes like down there, or talking, or transforming into a sex goddess. They concentrate on each feeling and let their bodies do the rest.
Let’s talk science. Reaching a male orgasm, on a chart, looks like a vertical line. For female orgasms, it instead matches what happens when people watch the evening news: The opening music is so exciting, but interest either quickly plateaus or rises slowly only because you know it is ending soon.
So flip the channel and change your attitude.
Being on top is a good way for women to get off. It puts the dominatrix in control by allowing her hips to control the angles, speed and motion. Another is putting the man on top, with the woman’s back to him — this provides space for him to reach around and stimulate her during intercourse.
You can also try achieving an orgasm from hand or oral stimulation before he enters you. Not only will you be wetter than wet for his pleasure, but every move he makes will tingle every nerve ending you have.
Finding your “O” (not the magazine, although Oprah is queen and totally boss at finding her orgasm, I’m sure) is mostly about try, try, trying. If it doesn’t work, move on; it may look weird, but let loose and feel woman. Tell him what you like.
Flip through every issue of Cosmopolitan you can get your hands on, but at the end of the shiny pages, the best tips come from your own body.
Enjoy.
Steph Doan is a senior studying journalism. Unsure how to get the most out of your time in the sack? Send her your love, sex and relationship questions at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
