At the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend and I would have sex all the time. I couldn’t keep him off me. But now it’s been more than a year, and I can barely get him to sleep with me once a week. What could I be doing wrong? And what could I do to boost his libido?
I need a distinction here.
“Barely get him to” as in he refuses sternly and with a quavering finger? Or “barely get him to” as in he doesn’t initiate anymore? There is a significant difference.
Certain things can affect a man’s libido. Weed is one. If he smokes that dope he might be killing sperm and lowering his libido. Stress also contributes. Long days full of 7 a.m. classes, tests and loads of laundry can decrease the loads blown of even the most stallion-like males. So, before you jump him, try talking to him about his day. Boys do speak words.
Sex is different in all relationships. Some require a lot of sex, some focus on other things like playing chess or something even more boring: talking.
But because your boyfriend was fiery months earlier, there might be a problem. (Full disclosure: It is natural for sex to die down as relationships age, but a quick drop shows a lack of interest that could damage both physical and emotional ties.) If sex has always been his favorite pastime, it is something the two of you need to keep on keeping on because being a part of his life means understanding what he loves — outside of Fantasy Football and video games, of course.
Try making the first move. Find a new bed trick or buy saucy lingerie; both gestures signal to him that sex is important to you also.
Take a moment and step outside the situation. Hopefully you are not nearsighted and can still see the page from wherever you are standing. OK, come back if you cannot.
But really though, appreciate what makes your relationship outside of sex. Look at where you two started and the value of where you are now. Yes, there was more honkey-tonk-ba-donk-a-donk back then, but I doubt there were as many shared secrets or inside jokes. After a while, even the fights are funny and the romance ridiculous, but that’s not such a bad place to wind up at. When things are fresh and new, a man doesn’t hold you the same way he does after he has seen you cry for the very first time.
Sex will come and go, be good and bad, happen slow or way too quickly, but a good boyfriend and an honest man will stay around through thin and through thick.
Steph Doan is a senior studying journalism. Looking for a way to spice up your love life? Send her all your sex, love and relationship questions: thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
