Women of America:
This is a message from your local sex columnist urging you to vote. If you have not already hit the polls, please do so now. (Unless you are reading this after 7:30 p.m. when polls close.) If you do vote, you get a sticker. Score.
First, take a moment to think about a pressing women’s issue: sex, sex, pure political sex on a platform.
If you have not noticed, both President Barack Obama and GOP nominee Mitt Romney are handsome men, especially within the politician spectrum. Anyone who watches C-SPAN totally gets this.
We have two very steamy males asking for power over us. Normally, this is the beginning of a fantastic situation (shout out to my BDSM community friends). But alas, these men are vying for our votes, not our submission.
The thing to do is vote for the sexiest candidate. Think about it: We have to look at the guy for the next four years, practically a marriage by Hollywood standards.
Obama has that perfect glowing mocha skin and a great smile. He also kicks it with Jay-Z and throws an effortless 3-pointer, upping his coolness factor.
Romney, Obama’s opposite, has hair that could sell shampoo to a bald man. The coloring is perfect, with subtle white accents. He has that masculine chiseled jaw and broad shoulders thing that makes former nominee John McCain look like Yoda.
Laugh all you want at this superficial stress on the candidates’ looks, but JFK (me-ow) was the first candidate who really drew female voters. Even though women’s suffrage happened in 1920, it was the election of 1960 that really got broads to the polls, according to nps.gov. It was not the issues, but the peepers who drove women to vote. As the lucky Mrs. Kennedy once said, “Older women wanted to mother him and younger ones wanted to marry him.”
Readers who argue this female silliness is gone must not know that within days after Romney announced his running partner, “Paul Ryan shirtless” was trending on Google. All that has changed in the past 50 years is that women got the Internet.
Besides, after the polls close, is any real change ever reached? Hope, promise, choice, red, blue, baby care, senior citizen love, taxes, jobs — at the end of the day, I am going to bed the same girl I was before casting my vote for yet another man.
TV ads from both sides need to stop telling women who better defends their rights; we do it best ourselves. Just give us a presidential hottie to fill time until the final Twilight comes out next week.
Steph Doan is a senior studying journalism. Send your love, sex and relationship questions to her at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
