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BedPost: To figure out if he's into you, talk it out

I met this guy the other day. He and I have been hanging out every day. I have had my fair share of relationships like this, where we hang out, make out and sometimes do more. It all seems good for a few weeks/ months but eventually fizzles out, usually because they “don’t want to be serious.” How can I tell if he wants to be serious? I know it is too soon for either of us to be thinking about a relationship, but I like him a lot. What signs should I look for if I want to know if he is into me for more than just hook-ups?

Signed, Confused

Dear Confused,

I feel like this is a problem that people have had from day one … of our entire existence. I’m sure there are cave drawings of early stages of He’s Just Not That Into You. Defining the relationship is something covered on everything from Leave it to Beaver to Jersey Shore … not that I watch either one.  

You’re not alone. Relationships are tricky; defining them is even harder. You’ve got the first step down: You know what you want, and you like him more than you’d like a quick fling. Now it gets more confusing.

I could tell you a million different signs that he wants to be serious, like if he puts his fork at a 90 degree angle toward you or he coughs every time he hears your name,  but if I do, I promise that you will be running in circles and overanalyzing everything. You will wind up frustrated, failing, cursing my name. (Please don’t do that; I have enough bad luck.)

What I’ll tell you is so obvious you never would’ve thought of it: Talk to him.

I know, it’s revolutionary. The value of honest communication is so underrated. While I’m all for texting and emailing, this should be done face to face and probably with clothes on to eliminate distractions.

I know you’ve told me you don’t want to have the relationship talk, and I get that. It’s like a high-stakes game of “don’t rock the boat,” but if you want to know, you have to communicate.

You don’t have to ask for his hand in marriage; just ask him to get coffee, go to a movie or just to talk. You’ll be surprised what you learn and what could come of it.

If you do want a relationship, you’ll have to have the infamous “talk,” or maybe even sooner, you might want to let him know your feelings (again … clothes on for this … I’ve made the mistake). If he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, it’ll suck and you’ll think I’m the worst, but hey, why waste your time on someone who is much more involved in the bed than in your life?

Kristin Salaky is a sophomore studying journalism and the assistant culture editor for The Post. Email her at

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