Big Bird is back in the political fire again. He’s teamed up with Michelle Obama as a part of her Let’s Move! campaign, which is dedicated to promoting better eating and physical activity for children, according to the Detroit Free Press.
But is this a reach for Big Bird’s political campaign? We all know he was involved in a scandal back before the elections, when Mitt Romney stated he would cut subsidies to PBS but that he still loved Big Bird.
“Mitt Romney will rue the day he brought me into political light,” Big Bird reportedly said off the record. “He will burn.”
His hostility toward Romney is certainly apparent now that he’s teamed up with Michelle Obama. But is this part of a large-scale coverup? Did Big Bird influence the election via the beloved show Sesame Street? Does Sesame Street have devilish subliminal messages?
Studies show that playing the latest episode of Sesame Street backwards will read the message “Down with conservatives, down with guns, down with Majority Leader Eric Cantor.” It will also go through the alphabet backwards.
Is this how Big Bird changed the results of the election, thus changing the fate of our future and the world’s fate? It is a known fact that Americans have children, and those children watch TV, and that TV plays Sesame Street, and while the kids are watching Sesame Street the parents in the room are receiving subliminal messages that are telling them how to vote. It’s the only explanation for how Obama won the election. The only one.
And now Michelle Obama and Big Bird have teamed up to promote better health for kids. What is a better coverup than pretending you want kids to go outside and play rather than watch your Satanic show?
Some citizens, however, are attacking Michelle Obama’s campaign.
“Who is she to tell my children how to eat?” said Stacy MacEntire, Tea Party mother of nine. “I am for childhood obesity. I want my children plump and juicy and full of heart disease. Let them choose how to live their own unhealthy lives, thus resulting in more expensive health care for the rest of us!”
With that valid point, it’s hard for Americans to ignore this controversial topic of children’s health. Most first ladies choose a topic all Americans can agree upon, such as Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” campaign and Barbara Bush promoting literacy. But it seems Michelle Obama has stepped over the line in her role as the president’s spouse.
Big Bird and Michelle Obama are rising their way to the top of America’s Most Hated list. They should really stick to what they know with being an elementary icon and a mother of two children. Oh. Crap.
Jessica Ensley is a sophomore studying journalism at Ohio University and a columnist for The Post. Is Big Bird an envoy of Satan? Email Jessica at je726810@ohiou.edu.
