I’m a simple person. My greatest love, besides my cats Leia and Mowgli, is food. Fancy food, fast food, fried food: food. I love it, and I eat a lot of it.
So, quite understandably, few things put me into scary monster mode more than those that get in my way of a good meal.
And that’s why I’m here to teach you about proper escalator etiquette (it’s for your own good, trust me).
Being that I spend roughly 20 hours a day locked away in the Post newsroom (and that I’m the world’s laziest person), I opt for “Baker food” (otherwise known as West 82) several times a week.
In case you don’t know, the Post newsroom is on the third floor of Baker; the food court, on the other hand, is on the first. A quick calculation has taught me that I must travel two floors down to feast.
If you will recall, I’m the world’s laziest person, so normal stairs are hardly an option. I do have some level of self-respect, though, so I force myself to skip the elevator. Escalators — those glorious, moving stairs — are my choice of transportation, but even they don’t get me to my meal fast enough, so I walk up and down them.
Or, at least, I try to. Because here’s the thing: the Ohio University and Athens populace seem to have forgotten basic escalator etiquette. Escalators don’t have to be one mass of stationary people.
It’s quite similar to driving, really. Slow-moving traffic — in this case, stationary riders — takes the right lane, while fast-moving traffic — in this case, me — takes the left.
So this is my plea to you, dear readers: Let us take a stand against escalator haphazardness. Let us plunge the clog. Break free from the chains, throw down the shackles and jauntily hop up (or down) the escalators — on the left side.
Those of you wishing to stand still need simply step to the right. Really, I promise, this is more for your safety than my convenience.
I have a dream, and I think you have it too. Follow me to greatness! Our generation can lead the revolution, guys! We can change the world! Yes, we can!
And I can get my pesto chicken panini.
Nicolien Buholzer is the managing editor of The Post and a senior studying journalism. Dish on your pet peeves and favorite meals with her at nb360409@ohiou.edu.
