Being a college male, aside from academics, few things are more important than the beautiful ladies that inhabit this campus.
Ohio University has the sixth most attractive girls in the country as indicated in a recent nationwide survey by College Magazine.
My next few columns are going to focus primarily on the students here that don’t have a Y chromosome. I’m going to give you some insider tips on what lady Bobcats expect and how to deliver that to them faster than UPS. I would give FedEx a shoutout here, but screw them because they totally botched up my Chegg order last week.
The single and most important piece of advice I can give you about the ladies on this campus is that they appreciate a man with confidence. Remember that day when you looked into the mirror and flexed while simultaneously imagining Pamela Anderson on top of your entry-level high school car? I’m talking about that type of confidence.
It’s important to note that being confident does not mean arrogant. If you come at this with that attitude then you’re wrong.
Here’s a great and classic scenario I explain to my bros when they come to me asking for my secret. You’re at a party/bar/sidewalk/wherever and you see a girl that you find attractive. You ready for the groundbreaking advice? Talk to her and actually strike up a conversation.
I know, right? So simple, but for some reason a good-looking woman intimidates many of my struggling bros. My brain has difficulty understanding this, because at the end of the day, these lovely ladies put their pants on the exact way we all do in the morning.
Some of you may be thinking at this point, “But Phil, I’m not the most handsome dude on this campus, and any woman that goes here wouldn’t give me the time of day.” Wrong.
I do not have six-pack abs or a Tim Tebow face and, to be honest, I’m more on the side of having a keg for a stomach. I also bear a striking resemblance to Seth Rogen, but you won’t be seeing me on MTV anytime soon.
Lady Bobcats, enjoy the company of a male who can keep a conversation going. It’s also equally important to make her laugh. I’ve always naturally been the class clown, so it comes easily for me because of my personality. If need be, Google some one-liners or something and she will start to take interest.
There is no magical formula that I use to get the ladies swooning. All I do is be myself, crack a few jokes and before you know it I have a phone number and yet another boost to my self-confidence.
Women on this campus are sophisticated, beautiful and intelligent. Approach them with respect, a head on your shoulders and not a tail between your legs. You will be collecting numbers in no time.
Phil Morehead is a senior studying health services administration and a columnist for The Post. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org