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The PHILosopher: Columnist eagerly awaits, but phone has yet to vibrate

One thing that lady Bobcats do that really gets under my skin is taking the length of President McDavis’ current tenure to reply to my text messages.

Let’s picture what you look like ignoring my texts in the real word. If you stared at me blankly for 43 minutes after I asked you “What’s good?” you’d be labeled a psychopath.

The motives (read: excuses) behind text ignoring are almost as unreasonable as the practice itself:

“I was busy.” Clear evidence points to the contrary. Sorry, it’s 2013 and you just Instagrammed a picture of a Shively cookie. Remember that Lady Gaga song about how she’s so ticked because some guy keeps texting when she wants to dance? Never happens. Every bar on Court Street, on any given night, has a million girls buried into their iPhones.

“I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” It’s far more offensive to deny somebody’s existence as a human being. If you aren’t into me just tell me! Trust me, five girls who are reading this article, he won’t care. He will simply chalk one up as an L for the home team and make his best impression of “On To The Next One.”

Am I being neurotic? OK, maybe a tad. It’s totally fine to have a legitimate excuse to not reply to my texts in a timely manner. Class, work, showers, phone in the other room, the list goes on and on and that’s alright. But I still assert that message avoidance is a ridiculous practice. That also goes for the my role as the responder. How do you ladies feel when you get my read receipt and I casually reply…two hours later?! Hurts a little don’t it?

Which leads me to a brief sub rant about read receipts: if you have them on and you still claim to “have just got my iMessage” when it clearly states you read it three hours ago, it’s safe to assume the ever so classic, “she’s just not into me” mentality.

These same principles also apply to texting my bro. If I ask you to get Chipotle or see some movie later, don’t ever respond to me with “I could be down”What the hell does that even mean? The fact that I’ve heard that reply from more than one person in my life makes me want beat myself with my own cracked iPhone.

That’s the most non-committal response ever.  My mind reads this as: “I could possibly consider thinking about that proposition at a later date, maybe.”

I guess maybe I’m looking into this too much. Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to own an iPhone that has read receipt capability. Or maybe I’m on to some new texting etiquette that will be the norm soon. Whatever, my iPhone just lit up again.

Phil Morehead is a senior studying health services administration Do you wait hours to text back? Email him at

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