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Kristin Salaky

BedPost: Bros before...ex-girlfriends

Is it okay to hook up with your friends' ex? 

Dear Bedpost, 

“What is the policy on hooking up with your friend’s exes? This guy and I are pretty close friends, but me and his ex, who he dated for a few months, are very much attracted to each other. I know dating your friend’s ex is a no-no, but what about hooking up?”

Dear reader,

This seems to be a running theme as of late in our column and podcast and I guess I’ll ask a question of my own — why in the world does everyone want to hook up with these people that are off limits?

I’m assuming you aren’t repulsive and you’re probably not a serial killer so based on how big the world is, I’m sure there are no less than thousands of other people who would want to hook up with you.

I’m not even saying this because I think your friend will be mad — he might not be and you could even have a nice grown-up conversation with him about how you want to bone the person he used to get jiggy with. But why would you want to?

You’re going to have to see your friend and probably this girl for a while because the world is dark and full of terrors and also, OU is surprisingly small. So, even if you don’t tell your friend, you and she — and Ian and I if you choose to update us, which you should — will still know. 

You’re obviously free to do what you want, but for not even having feelings for this chick, this sounds like a decision on the level of sticking your junk in a windmill — i.e. not smart, kiddo.

My advice? If you must, bone someone else or be prepared to feel hella awkward for months to come. Or just pine in silence like the rest of us. I’m talking about you, Jason Segel. 

What do Hail Mary passes, sleeping with your friend’s ex and the chili at Wendy’s have in common? They should all be last resorts.

There’s no reason for you to sleep with your friend’s ex-lover. There are plenty of people out there with whom to do the nasty. You can easily avoid penetration with anyone with emotional entanglement in your friend circle. 

Let’s do an experiment. Go to a bar right now. Hit on someone. Did they date your friend? No? Look how easy that was. Problem solved.

Think about this right swift: Are you willing to never be friends with this guy again to have mediocre sex with this former significant other probably once? Because that’s a real thing that might happen.

There are times it could be more permissible than others such as if your friend did the breaking up and is now ambivalent about their ex, you might be able to get away with that. It should still be low on the priority list, though.

If this girl or guy broke your friend’s heart, definitely stay out of those pants. You’re a piece of garbage if you slam that. Real bad. Shame on you.

Either way, try barking up a different tree first. You’ll do less damage in another part of the woods.

Questions about relationships or sex? Email them to



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