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Jessica Ensley - Columnist

Lean In Further: Friend-zone isn't as friendly than it sounds

The friend-zone: a term sexually frustrated males use when describing a female “friend” they believe owes them her body. I heard that term when I was growing up, and I hear that term being used frequently on this campus as well.

The friend-zone: a term sexually frustrated males use when describing a female “friend” they believe owes them her body. I heard that term when I was growing up, and I hear that term being used frequently on this campus as well.

Freshman year was when I received the most pressure from male “friends” of mine. I was part of an improv troop at OSU Newark and one of the male members had a crush on me. He would try to be the white knight at parties and gatherings, stepping in to stop another male from hitting on me as if I couldn’t choose a sexual partner for myself. He asked me out a few times throughout the year and each time I told him no or made up an excuse for why I couldn’t. He once even came back after a party to do my dishes others had left.

After that, another member of the troop told me I should just sleep with him already, as if I owed him my body because he was overly nice and pushy. I was told I was “friend-zoning” him. It was a tool used by my male acquaintances (no longer friends, for obvious reasons) to shame me for not sleeping with any male who would give me attention.

The thought that women owe “nice guys” anything is simply astounding. If you’re being nice to a woman only to date or have sex with her then you are not a nice guy, you’re a self-serving asshole. Why is female friendship something that is not sought after unless sex is involved? Is it a testament to how nice you are that you put up with her friendship? Do you complain that “nice guys finish last” and that women only date jerks?

The “friend-zone” is an easy way for egocentric men to push blame onto women. Instead of looking inward and realizing “this person just doesn’t like me,” saying you were “friend-zoned” portrays the woman as a bitch for not serving your every sexual desire. How horrible of this female to want to date men who aren’t you.

Someone who complains about the friend-zone has zero respect for women. We have our own thoughts, feelings, wants and needs. We date and sleep with the people we want to and your opinion on the matter is not welcome. Our bodies are our own and no one is required to have sex with anyone.

If you really cared about that person, you would want them to be happy. You would not walk around complaining about how they owe you sex for listening to them talk. So the next time you complain about a woman not sleeping with you, remember it’s probably because you don’t really care about her.

Jessica Ensley is a senior studying journalism. Email her at je726810@ohio.edu.

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