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Bats invade 'Post' newsroom on April Fools' Day; staff to receive $1.2 million to move

Sorry students! We need your tuition money to fund us moving out of our Baker offices.

We have made a harrowing discovery in our Baker Center newsroom.

Bats. They’re everywhere.

We haven’t heard if bats have infested other places on campus, but our office is now unusable as a result. One of those beasts swooped down and scared the living daylights out of our Opinion Editor, Xander Zellner, which, in turn, caused him to insert a typo into a column he was editing. We fled immediately after.

Those conditions aren’t conducive to completing our day-to-day duties, and we won’t be returning to our Baker Center offices anytime soon.

Not to worry, readers. Thankfully, we’re set to receive a large sum of tuition dollars to help us relocate to a new newsroom for the time being.

That money should have come from the Ohio University Foundation, but we received word that a large sum of foundation money was recently tied up elsewhere. No biggie.

The tuition money — roughly $1.2 million — will help us lease a new office for the coming weeks.   

We found an appropriate location with all of the amenities needed: 31 Coventry Lane. The property has everything needed to complete our daily work — a grand entrance, spacious bedrooms, a private driveway and a swimming pool. We really don’t know how we functioned without those necessities beforehand.

Some have questioned if we will be as visible on campus after the move, set for Wednesday. To that we answer, “Uh, there’s a swimming pool. Who cares about visibility? It’s not like we’re footing the bill.”

OK, fine. We’re kidding. April Fools! The university wouldn’t make such a rash decision like that for anyone, let alone us.

Editorials represent the majority opinion of The Post's executive editors: editor-in-chief Jim Ryan, managing editor Sara Jerde, opinion editor Xander Zellner and projects editor Allan Smith. Post editorials are independent of the publication's news coverage.

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