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Bed Post- Ian Ording

How to overcome gaps in sexual experience

What do you do if your sexual partner has more/less experience than you?

“I think what coaching is all about is taking (sexual partners) and analyzing their ability, putting them in a position where they can excel within the framework of (sex). And I hope I’ve done that in my 33 years of coaching.” — Legendary Miami Dolphins coach Don Shula, paraphrased.

Sex is just like sports. Some people are good, some people are bad and a select few are great. And, much like the sweaty competition of athletics, it takes years of practice and dedication to reach the highest pantheon of ability.

The only way to reach that mountaintop is by getting it on with someone better than you. By the same token, those lower on the totem pole can only hope to rise in the ranks if the more experienced are gracious enough to give pointers.

Let’s say you’ve had extensive experience in the sack and are about to engage with someone on the greener end of the spectrum. The first order of business should most likely be some drills with which to start out. At the end of the day, sex is no different than basketball practice. Do a few suicides across the room, some pull-ups, crunches, etc., to get your body warmed up for the contest of strength that is about to take place.

Then, the game-time instruction starts. Call out positions, tell your partner what he or she could be doing better, accept the same from your partner and do your best to accommodate the other so as to have the most satisfying rendezvous possible.

Don’t be afraid to give criticism and instructions, and don’t be afraid to receive them. You’ll know more about sex than a lot of people, and a lot of people will know more than you.

Even if you and your partner(s) are on the same level at coitus, odds are the two of you will be into different things. The most experienced bangers could still use some tips at giving the tip. LeBron James still gets coached, both on the court and in the bedroom.

Do your part to make everyone good at sex. That will make the world a better place. Screw like a champion today.

Ian Ording is a senior studying journalism and copy chief of The Post.

Experience is going to be the primary gauge of your talent on a lot of fronts, such as piano competitions, golfing tournaments and Trivia Crack. Luckily, it won’t be the sole gauge of your talents in the sexual realm. When you get down to it, sex is a pretty simple process. That’s why people do it so often and like it so much — it’s not hard, and it feels good.

If your sexual partner has more experience than you, that shouldn’t change what he or she expects from you if he or she is a decent person. People aren’t inherently awesome at sex, but we all come with the basic knowledge of how to navigate the human body enough to produce other life forms. Producing orgasms is a whole other game. If your sexual partner has less experience than you, show them the ropes. Don’t be a jerk. If you’re concerned about your partner’s heightened experience, however, talk to them about it. Let them know you’re not God, if they were assuming that was the case. They’ll appreciate your consideration, and hopefully be compassionate in return.

If you haven’t had sex before, you have just as much experience as a dildo, if that makes you feel better. Good sex isn’t determined by a certain level of expertise, and I don’t believe everyone has perfect sex 100 percent of the time. Whether you’ve peaked past 100 partners or you’re on your first time, you’re still going to make silly faces or let out weird noises. You’re still going to be a disappointment, sometimes (sorry about that). The best you can hope for is a 7/10 rating 80 percent of the time — take your good banging sessions as they come, and your horrible sexual experiences with a semblance of acceptance. If you want to draw similarities between sex, golfing tournaments, piano competitions and Trivia Crack — it’s that you’ll be able to crank some good results out, as long as you do your best.

Emma Ockerman is a sophomore studying journalism and local editor of The Post. Have some ideas on better sex? Maybe another question to ask these two? Email them at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.

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