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Bed Post- Ian Ording

Things to consider before hitting on a mom this weekend

Ian and Emma discuss why hooking up with a mom shouldn't be a decision made lightly. 

Is it acceptable to make a move on a mother during OU’s Moms Weekend?

This upcoming weekend is one that is greatly anticipated by bros across campus. Everyone is so excited about finally getting to see a bunch of 50-year-olds at J Bar. They’re ready to pursue women with clothes from Nordstrom instead of Limited Too. Or Forever 21. Or whatever.

But that’s small ball.

The real conquest that is truly worth pursuing is bedding a married couple. You’re not truly a Moms Weekend warrior until you can take home a mother and her husband.

Anyone can hook up with one person. People do it every single day. It’s like having lunch at this point; you start your work day, send a few emails, sneakily check some highlights from the basketball game last night without your boss noticing, make some coffee then head Uptown to Wendy’s at noon and get laid. It’s just the state of society in 2015.

In addition, threesomes aren’t that out of the question. They’re a bit more rare, but it’s like going to a nice steakhouse for a porterhouse and a glass of bourbon; it happens, but it’s more of a nice reward for a good financial quarter.

It takes a high level of seduction ability to wedge yourself into a married couple’s love life. That’s the only sex that can be interesting anymore.

At the end of the day, don’t try having sex with a mother who is visiting because she’s probably married. That would make you the worst.

You don’t want to be the worst. You don’t want someone banging your mom, do you? No. That would suck.

Ian Ording is a senior studying journalism and copy chief of The Post.

I’m trying to put myself in the orthopedic-friendly shoes of a midlife crisis right now. I would think that without a man in my life — kids or not — I might want to capitalize on a younger pursuit for a brief stint in Athens. Why not? With all the obvious interested parties, I’m sure it passes through the mind of every mother (and every young man or women in to mothers) traversing through Athens during this weekends’ events.

But even without the orthopedic-friendly shoes and a midlife crisis, I dislike the bar scene in Athens. I’m a young woman now, far removed from my cougar days. My idea of fun never includes an intoxicated man in a bucket hat touching my arm or even trying to talk to me. I hardly expect that to change with age or after I have one or two kids under my belt. There’s a polite way to approach women that I’m not totally sure men here will have grasped by this weekend.

So, if you’re planning to make a move on a mom this weekend, think a little bit beforehand. Run through a mental checklist. Is she single? Is she your friend’s mom? Could this come back to haunt you or her in any way? Are you treating her respectfully before you approach her, and not as a mere “cougar”? Are you taking her away from her son or daughter, whom she’s actually here to see this weekend? These are all good dilemmas to weigh before you take the leap, and she still might say no. The important thing is that you’re treating said mother like you’d treat any other woman Uptown — so long as you’re the type who treats women Uptown well. You’ll be able to tell if the move you’re making is appreciated.

Don’t just hook up with anyone for a few high fives from your bros or to check something off a manic checklist.

Emma Ockerman is a sophomore studying journalism and local editor of The Post. Have a different opinion on moms or another question? Email the writers at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.

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