I looked in my bathroom mirror and said what every college student says at least three times a weekend: “Screw it.”
I then grabbed the same razor I’ve been using for the past two weeks, and *cut* *slice* *slice* I went away on my face.
Twenty minutes and a few razor burn spots later, and the new me arrived: Luke O’Roark, gunslinger form.
To be transparent: I look awful. Like, Adam-Sandler-in-the-movie-Pixels awful.
But it’s given me a segue into one of my favorite topics in gaming: facial hair.
“Well, that’s silly, Luke,” you’re probably thinking to yourself.
No, you’re wrong.
In gaming, facial hair, especially mustaches, has played a vital role in building some of the most historic characters to date.
Some use it as a sign of power. Some use it as a symbol of sexiness. Almost all are memorable.
While I look ridiculous with a mustache, these characters certainly don’t.
Mario
I’ll start this list off with the classic look. Mario has been almost synonymous with mustaches since the NES days, or mid-1980s. No, it’s not a gimmick. It’s actually a marketable thing. Can you imagine the Italian plumber without a mustache? Nintendo fans would lose their collective minds if the iconic plumber didn’t have his mustache. Mario's mustache is actually a token in today's gaming world. It's right up there with Zelda's Triforce or Resident Evil's umbrella.
Provided via Wikimedia Commons
Captain Price
Captain Price made mustaches great again. Sure, Mario and Eggman (I’ll get to him later) always rocked their iconic staches, but Price made it seem cool to rock one back in 2007. Up to this point in gaming, many protagonists avoided the mustache look. “It’s too dated,” they cried. I’m sure Price, a grumpy British military leader, thought otherwise.
Provided via Giantbomb
Chop Chop Master Onion
Yes, you read his name right. He’s an onion and he has a killer stache which looks like it connects to his eyebrows. That’s not even the strangest part: he teaches karate/rap/self-confidence to a dog. Just watch the video and be amazed by this onion’s powerful, sleek mustache.
Peppy Hare
Ahh, Peppy. This hare’s (ahem) mustache is iconic, not because it looks good, but because it adds a layer of goofiness to StarFox’s biggest geek. Hare’s mustache is thicker than most on this list and finds a spot simply because it adds silliness to an already notoriously goofy character.
Old Snake
Snake, one of my favorite protagonists in gaming, finds himself on this list after his role in Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Over time, creator Hideo Kojima has not been shy about adding facial hair to the legendary soldier. In some games he spots some five-o’clock shadow (Metal Gear Solid). Other times, he rocks a full beard (Metal Gear Solid 3). But his gray mustache in MGS4 adds a complexity and badness to the veteran war hero.
Provided via wallpoper.com
Heihachi
Nothing says “you suck at fighting” quite like a jacked-up old man rocking a white handlebar mustache. Check out Heihachi’s fighting highlights below. You’ll understand what I mean.
Andrew Ryan
Ryan is the best character in Bioshock. I would put him right next to Elizabeth in the entire series. And while Ryan turns out to be an analytical tyrant that turns Bioshock on its head, it’s Ryan’s slim 1920s mustache that gives his character something ... more. Facial hair can sometimes make or break a character in any media. Ryan’s, though, is an addition that shows power, prestige and elitism. It’s slim, yet gives off a perception of wealth — especially when it’s contrasted with a rundown Rapture. It’s a light nod to the wealth divides that have historically destroyed “utopias” and is so damn perfect.
Provided via Giantbomb.com
Doctor Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik
I mentioned this guy earlier because how could you have any “gaming mustache” list without this classic villain. Found in the Sonic the Hedgehog series, Eggman’s notoriously zany mustache is the exact mustache I want in life. Something that says “bold, crazy and fun.” I’m only joking: Eggman is menacing, cunning and one of the most villainous protagonists. His mustache only adds to his bravado.
Provided via Wikimedia Commons
