Being college students, the chaotic events, what seem to be endless struggles, and sometimes debilitating emotions we deal with on a daily basis cause a great deal of stress in our lives. A good portion of the time, however, the things that cause us the greatest amount of distress are the ones that we have no control over.
According to a Psychology Today article written by Stephen A. Diamond, a clinical and forensic psychologist, the primary reason that we, human beings, worry so much is due to the fact that we have such a great fear of the future and the unknown. The world we live in and the emotions we sometimes experience are so unpredictable, and because of this, we are afraid.
Diamond writes, “So much of what we worry about has to do with losing what we have: health, happiness, love, wealth, power, status, wisdom, freedom, independence, support, vitality and, ultimately, life itself.”
While we have the ability to maintain some power over these things, we will never have complete control over any of these things; we will never be able to control loss.
So if we physically cannot have control over certain losses, opportunities, heartaches, stressors, people, etc., then why is it that we spend so much time dwelling on such things, continuously causing ourselves to be so unhappy?
When it comes to stress and unhappiness in general, the first step to finding peace once again is to simply let go of the things that we cannot control. I know, such a concept is much easier said than done; however, there are little things that we can do to help guide ourselves in a direction in which we can eventually learn to no longer stress over those things that we have no power over.
When experiencing any type of pain, heartache or stress, it is important to take a step back and look at the entire situation and ask yourself one question: do I have the power to change what is happening? If the answer to that question is yes, then by all means, look at different perspectives revolving around that change, and do what you can in order to make a change. If the answer is no, however, let it go.
The truth is, no matter how hard we try or how deeply we look into it, we absolutely cannot control the emotions or actions of other people. This is where we all typically fall short of obtaining the peace of mind we are striving for.
We spend so much time focusing on trying to change other people and make the mistake of believing that we can regulate another person’s feelings that we lose all sense of our own personal happiness. In other words, we invest so much in that other person that we forget what it means to truly care about ourselves.
Stop. Stop trying to control somebody else because you will never be able to, and to be honest, it’s just not worth it.
The people, the opportunities, the accomplishments, the genuine contentment of everyday life, everything good that you are searching for … stop searching so hard; it will come. Let it come on its own time, and never lose the heart that keeps you believing in your own personal version of happiness.
The best is always yet to come.
Bri Shaniuk is a sophomore studying journalism at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. How do you distinguish between what you can and cannot control? Let Bri know by emailing her at bs714714@ohio.edu.
