Sarcastic Scoop: Trump’s cabinet pick is plywood, after severely misunderstanding the definition of 'cabinet'

WASHINGTON — “Now that all of my advisors for the environment, housing and whatever else are chosen, I will choose a cabinet,” President Donald J. Trump told a crowd on Monday, three days after his inauguration. “I’m choosing plywood. I don’t know why everyone cares so much about my cabinets, though.”

Showing a severe misunderstanding of the meaning of “cabinet,” America's 45th president has angered many Americans across the nation for a variety of reasons.

“I can’t believe we elected someone who’s so dumb,” Virginia citizen John Maurin told reporters. “I mean, I voted for him, but he didn’t show any signs of making silly mistakes that could send our country crashing down like this one. I hope things go okay; I still gotta give him a chance.”

“Really? Plywood?” North Dakota resident Anna Keers said. “That’s just a terrible choice for cabinets. They’ll bend and look awful. I’m very disappointed.”

Trump has been lashing out at the media for their criticism of his cabinet picks, ignorant of the fact that they have been criticizing whom he chose to advise him. “Plywood is a perfectly good kind of cabinet. I have the best cabinets, and everyone knows it. Plywood is a very good wood, a very good wood. I have lots of plywood in my businesses. I’m a plywood expert. And a cabinet expert. I know the most about cabinets out of anybody in this nation. Why is everyone going on about my cabinet picks, anyway? Why are the cabinets so important? The media — very dirty, very unfair. They always pick on everything.”

President Trump has been reportedly informed that he misunderstood the meaning of the word and that the advisors he had chosen were the “cabinet” everyone had been talking about. He has not brought the issue up since besides saying that he “knew that, of course” and that the “unfair media” was painting him to be something he was not.

Marco Omta is a sophomore studying music production. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. Is plywood your preferred wood for cabinets? Email Marco at mo183714@ohio.edu.