Sarcastic Scoop: 5 reasons why climate change definitely isn’t an issue, but written in Pig Latin

We here at the Sarcastic Scoop are always looking out for the health, well-being and socio-political awareness of our cherished readers. Today we would like to explain very carefully why climate change is absolutely not an actual issue whatsoever while using Pig Latin to make this information as difficult to consume as possible.

1. Ityay asway eallyray oldcay enwhay Iyay asway alkingway otay assclay ethay otheryay ayday. oNay ayway erethay'say anyyay obalglay armingway.

This is just an obvious one. Personal experience trumps any kind of “fact” some guy in a lab coat can throw at you.

2. Iyay ersonallypay onday'tay elievebay atthay imateclay angechay isyay ealray, andyay allengingchay ymay eliefsbay isyay orallymay ongwray.

Do you want to fight on this? Because I would really rather not. Let me believe what I believe. Stop trying to change my mind, thanks.

3. oDay youyay everyay eesay anythingyay aboutyay "imateclay angechay" onyay ethay elevisiontay? Iyay owknay Iyay onday'tay. Iyay ustjay eesay artoonscay, ostlymay. ikeLay amilyFay uyGay. atWhay ayay oodgay owshay.

Seriously, if it was such a big deal, someone somewhere on TV would be talking about it. Don’t pretend you’re a know-it-all about the world all of a sudden.

4. Iyay amyay extremelyyay insecureyay aboutyay yselfmay andyay Iyay antway otay avehay edgyyay opinionsyay aboutyay ethay orldway atthay akemay emay eemsay uniqueyay.

And what, this is an issue now? Take your politically correct mouth somewhere else. I don’t have time for this.

5. elpHay, Iyay amyay anyay unpaidyay anslatortray. eyThay avehay eptkay emay inyay ayay agecay erehay orfay agesyay. Iyay avehay onay ayway outyay. eyThay annotcay eadray igpay atinlay osay eythay ustjay inkthay Iyay amyay itingwray exactlyyay atwhay eythay antway emthay otay aysay. Iyay avenhay'tay eenbay edfay inyay aysday. Iyay onday'tay owknay atwhay ethay ightlay ofyay ethay unsay ookslay ikelay anymoreyay. endSay elphay

I think this is the clearest of all the reasons and the easiest one to use to disprove anyone who thinks climate change is real.

We hope that this article was informative and helped you make your own opinion about this heated issue. From all of us at the Sarcastic Scoop, the best to you and your family, and don’t worry so much. Especially about the environment. It’ll figure itself out, probably.

Marco Omta is a sophomore studying games and animation. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. atWhay areyay youryay oughtsthay onyay imateclay angechay? Email Marco at mo183714@ohio.edu.