Talking “dirty” is weird. For most, it feels unnatural or forced. If you’re not a porn star, it probably just doesn’t sound right coming out of your mouth or being typed up on a phone screen. That being said, I think it is something that all women in a relationship or having frequent sex should be doing.
Here’s why:
It builds confidence
Telling your man what to do and how to do it during sex can feel empowering. There is something that feels badass about speaking up and taking control of your sexual experience. Telling your guy to move that way or push this way isn’t going to turn him off or confuse him, it’ll most likely do the exact opposite. He wants to please you, that is why he’s thrusting his man meat into you, right?
If and when you’re ready to start opening up to trying more raunchy phrases or dirtier words, I guarantee you’ll feel sexy about it. Though you may feel awkward at first when you see the reaction on your guy's face when you lean in and tell him you want to sit on it, you’re going to feel sexy and desirable.
Your confidence will continue to grow as you implement it more and more into your sex routine. You’re in the driver’s seat, so take the wheel and see where that dirty talk can take you.
It pushes the boundaries of your comfort zone
Sex is like any other physical workout; you get out what you put in. If you stay in missionary or cowgirl every time, you’re going to get the same results every time. If you’ve never tried whispering a little dirty thought or kinky idea you want to try to your partner in bed, you probably won’t ever try that new position you read about in Cosmo last week.
It’s no secret that communication is key in successful relationships, so why wouldn’t you communicate in bed? You probably won’t ever know how far you and your partner could go until you open your mind and explore together. The orgasm is a complex and intricate creature, and there is no way to know if you’re reaching your full potential if you never try something new.
As you push your comfort zone in bed you will grow to know more and more about what you do and don’t like in bed. You will start to feel like the master of your sex life and the gatekeeper to your own climax.
It increases intimacy
Whenever you try something new in the bedroom or reach a new level of orgasm or intensity, you feel closer to your partner. Sex, though it has been normalized and commercialized by our society, is an incredibly intimate act. You are never more vulnerable than you are when you’re completely naked, exposed and having sex with someone.
It makes sense then that we would feel guarded or uncomfortable with trying something new or different like dirty talk. It also makes sense to say that, after breaking a new barrier and opening a new door in your sex life, you would feel closer and more in tune with your partner.
Whatever happens between the sheets can be extremely personal and impactful to your relationship. If you actively open yourself up to your partner by trying something different during your most vulnerable moments, they are going to feel more connected to you.
If you want to try talking dirty or explore the world of talking with your partner during sex, but don’t know how to start, here are some steps to take to get you ready and comfortable with it all.
1. Start slow.
Your man doesn’t expect you to go from quiet sex to loud screams, and requests to “pound you.” Start with asking them to do little things like grab your hair or kiss your neck.
2. Ask your partner what they want.
They have probably thought about the same things you have, and they know what they would and wouldn’t want to hear. You can better please them and yourself, if you’re upfront about what you want.
3. Do some research.
If you’re not a big porn watcher and don’t know where to start, try looking at some videos and referencing what the professionals are saying. Obviously, you don’t need to repeat things word for word, but it’s a good place to start if you don’t know where to begin.
4. Do some
If you haven’t already tested out your new dirty words and phrases, try sending a text or sexting with your partner to get the creative juices flowing. You’ll be more comfortable typing rather than saying it out loud, so it’s a good segue into the real thing.
5. Don’t stop talking.
After it’s over, and you’ve tried this new thing, talk about it with your partner. See what you guys liked or didn’t like about it and try to move forward in a constructive way, so you’re always on the same page.
Haley Dake is a senior studying journalism at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. Are you into talking dirty? Let Haley know by emailing her at @hd883312@ohio.edu.
