After a streak of failed messaging with various users, and a general hunger for validation, I decided to splurge on Tinder’s latest feature, Tinder Gold.
Tinder Gold, coming in at $15 for just one month, is marketed as a “First-class swiping experience.” And for me, it was more of an economy-class swiping experience. Yeah, I get that I look like a real-life Chuckie Finster from the Rugrats, and one of my profile photos on Tinder was of a lemur sitting at a table, but I was expecting the first-class experience for the price of two burritos.
Anyway, Tinder Gold lets you see who has already swiped right on you. Which is nice, if people swipe right on you. Gold also lets you swipe anywhere in the world, so I decided to take my ambiguously red hair over to Europe. I started off in Liverpool with no luck. I then dropped my swipes to Sweden, with mild luck. After hours of frustration, I then went on to North Korea and someone was actually there. Unfortunately, Shanice was a bot.
My friends then insisted I would be a hit in Oklahoma City – I was and I didn’t want to be. I am still mad Oklahoma City is where my soulmate probably is because I am pretty sure I am afraid of Oklahoma.
I cannot reiterate enough that I spent $15 to be told I was ugly in the most passive-aggressive way possible.
Now that I am stuck with this god forsaken subscription for another two weeks, I don’t know what to do. I am out $15 and am left more unfulfilled than I was before this endeavor.
