It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean, or so I’ve heard. But does size actually matter?
Well, in short — yes, of course, it matters. Every physical attribute matters when it comes to a hookup, even the color of your hair.
I’m not trying to scare you because size is definitely not everything. What matters most during sex, in my humble opinion, are a man's willingness to reciprocate and affection level. Nothing is sexier than a man who wants to please you. Come on, don't act like you didn't know that already. You can’t expect to have a first class ticket to Pound Town without some flattery.
Men with large dongs tend to act like one because they know they can win you over with the size of their “boat,” but when they don’t know anything about foreplay, the woman can end up dryer than a desert. If the Austin Powers trilogy has taught me anything, it's that with mojo you can win over any woman.
So yes, size matters, but we should also look at the other factors that many men completely ignore during sex.
Bring the noise.
If you don't make any noise while having sex, it’s like watching TV on mute. It makes sex incredibly boring. Imagine if your girl was as silent as a mouse while you put in maximum effort. It is unfulfilling for all parties just show some appreciation for your partner's hard work.
This isn’t a race.
Unless it is a quickie, don’t act like you are in a hurry. It’s rude, and you likely will not be invited back. Do not show up to your partner’s home and rip off your pants immediately, unless you're into that kind of thing and have discussed it. To assume what she wants without verbal communication is risky and uncomfortable. Relax and take your shoes off before you expose your junk.
Just be you.
Don't be shy, but try not to be cocky either. It’s a delicate balance, but sometimes as a woman I don't enjoy making the first move because I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard or that I am slutty. I know the first, second or 10th move is always kind of awkward for either party, so this is not as touchy of a subject. Just stay respectful of the person you are having sex with and they will likely respect you back.
Be a fair lover.
If you expect foreplay, so does she. This is vital, gentlemen. Do not, I repeat, do not ignore her needs just to satisfy your own. If she moves your hand somewhere, take notice. Realize you are there for mutual enjoyment and things will become a lot more fun.
Bring the hard hat, fellas
Bring a dang condom with you. Not every girl has a drawer full of various sized rubbers. Birth control is not her problem. It is everyone's concern. If you are hooking up for the first time, use a condom. The pill does not protect from STDs and STIs. Pregnancy is not the only fear to have about sex. Honesty is the best policy.
So yes, size matters just as a woman's bra size matters, but there are other habits during sex that should be considered to ensure all parties can come out with smiles on their faces.
Abbie Zehentbauer is a junior studying English at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. What do you think? Let Abbie know by emailing her at az455315@ohio.edu.
