I recently found myself walking down the street when a man in a military uniform approached me and said, "Hey, aren't you that guy that wrote the hit article "Darn it, Daniel: I am at my Whit's end about waffle cones?" I replied, "Yes, that's exactly who I am." Then he told me I could repel down the side of Lindley Hall, which I decided I would love to do. I got suited up and was excited to repel down the building, but when I got to the top, I was met by Rufus the Bobcat. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Hey, are you the one who wrote that dumb article about cake cones?" I told him, "Yes," but I was offended he called my article dumb. Then Rufus told me to get off the building immediately. Ever since, he and I have had beef, so here are all the things I don't like about his beloved Ohio University.
Majoring in film
My beef with the film major started about six months ago when I originally applied to be a film major but accidentally forgot to submit anything other than my letter of recommendation and didn't get accepted. Rufus hit submit before I was ready.
Every day, I have to go through Baker for one reason or another, and I love riding the escalator. However, there is no escalator etiquette here, and there should be. I once found myself in front of a large swarm of people trying to go down the escalator at the same time. I was at the front of the empty escalator, but I didn't want to walk down them like stairs. It ruins the whole point of an escalator and I didn't want to make it feel bad. But I also didn't want to awkwardly stand there with a ton of space in front of me. (Please email me if you know what to do in this situation, it happens very often.)
I'll be straight up, I thought it would be fun and cool to learn how to fight. So, I checked Bobcat Connect and joined the MMA Club. However, when I showed up to the Ping Center and walked to the room that I was told it would be in, I was surprised to be met with fencing. No disrespect to fencing, but if Rufus and I are ever going to battle to resolve my beef with him, a non-lethal sword is not going to do much.
Having to use a Brita filter
Why do I have to refill it once every hour? Also, what's so dirty about the drinking fountain water? Is it the same water in the sink? Should I be showering with my Brita filter if the water is so dirty? How far do I need to go with this tiny little filter?
Parents Weekend being the weekend after Labor Day
Half of the campus just went home for Labor Day, so why is Parents Weekend the week after? Why would I want to see my parents immediately again the next weekend when there is nothing to catch them up on? Also, families walk grudgingly slowly. I have places to be and a Rufus to fight.
My public speaking class
I recently gave a speech in my public speaking class about who I was. Then, after my professor asked me what I did wrong, I made the mistake of saying that I didn't know that I was presenting that day and wrote the speech in five minutes. He said you should never admit out loud that you didn't prepare for your speech, but I thought we had already exited the speech portion and were now in the post-game interview portion. If I had known that, I would have talked about something else I did wrong. I don't know how, but somehow this is all Rufus's fault.
I am just a guy with many opinions and a lot to say. Even though Rufus made me mad, I enjoy it here at OU because of my friends and, for the most part, my classes. Please contact me if you know what to do in these situations or if you have seen that jerk, Rufus. He and I need to have a talk.
Daniel Gorbett is a freshman at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnist do not reflect those of The Post. What are your thoughts? Let Daniel know by emailing him firstname.lastname@example.org.