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Darn it, Daniel: I’m at my Whit’s end about waffle cones

The other day, while sitting in my 8 a.m. public speaking class, I was given a prompt: give a two to three-minute speech about something you are passionate or opinionated about. As I watched the other speeches about various political opinions, I realized I had made a grave mistake. But, I stuck with what I had written and I absolutely crushed a speech about why the waffle cone is worse than the cake cone.

After I finished my classes, I decided to put a stop to this. I walked over to Whit's Frozen Custard, 49 S. Court St., and ordered their finest waffle cone and one Bobcat Whitser. I proceeded to break off a piece of the waffle cone, scoop up some ice cream and nibble on it like a little hamster. 

The waffle cone was so thin and tasted like watered-down butterscotch candies. My grandma would love this, but she wouldn't be able to eat it if she wanted to because it tastes like someone melted butterscotch over 50 rocks and crushed it into a cone.

I am a big fan of the waffle, and the waffle cone is nothing like it. It's as if someone thought, "If we imprint waffle squares on a cone we can call it a waffle cone." The waffle cone vandalizes the name of the waffle. The main difference between the cake cone and the waffle cone is that the cake cone has air in it. The cone should be a vessel to the ice cream and cake cones are exactly that. They are soft and have a nice neutral taste that promotes the flavor of the ice cream. 

There have been nearly zero times in my life when I've headed to an ice cream shop and someone has said, "This place is really good, they're known for their waffle cones." If you are known for your waffle cone and not your ice cream then you're doing something extremely wrong. 

Let me leave you with a hypothetical. It is a hot 100-degree day in Athens and you need some ice cream to cool you off, so you go to Whit's to grab some. You sit there eating your ice cream cone and it starts melting all over your hands. You're frazzled because you forgot to grab napkins. Your instinct is to set it down, but you got a waffle cone so you can't just set it down. At this point, you're covered in ice cream. 

If you had been smart, you would have gotten a cake cone and, therefore would have been able to put your flat-bottomed cake cone down for a second, grab some napkins and avoid a huge mess. If you're a waffle cone lover and haven't been convinced to boycott them at this point, any ice cream-related messes that result from waffle cones are all on you.

Daniel Gorbett is a freshman at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnist do not reflect those of The Post. What are your thoughts? Let Daniel know by emailing him dg371822@ohio.edu

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