As a November Scorpio birthday, I’m pretty selfish when my special day rolls around. I can’t deny my love for attention on my birthday. However, the celebration comes to a halt fairly quickly when everyone and their mother has a birthday in November and I am quickly overshadowed.
All this because you can’t control your horny urges come Valentine’s Day.
Everyone loves the idea of Valentine’s Day sex and the so-called holiday of love. In fact, 85% of people believe sex is an important part of Valentine’s Day. As a result, it is estimated that 10,408 babies will be conceived from some love day hanky-panky. That is a lot of V-day babies and a lot of people I have to inevitably share my birthday with. It’s disheartening.
As of November 2022, Earth’s population reached 8 billion people. That’s plenty for me, folks. I think we need to limit as many accidental mishaps as we can. Avoid making more people because there are too many already.
Now, I believe sex should be an exciting part of Valentine’s Day if that’s your thing. Sex should be fun and at its core, it really is the act of making love, which is what the holiday entails. However, unless you’re ready to pop out a Scorpio in nine months, you should grab a condom and use it. Please.
Now, I know being a Scorpio and telling people to stop being horny is the definition of being a hypocrite. But I’m tired of having my birthday roll around and constantly being reminded of what my parents did that fateful day in February. Gross.
I also have no problems with my fellow Scorpios, I actually love you all. The world is just against us.
Especially being on a college campus, there is no need to go absolutely ham on your partner for Valentine’s Day. I’m talking more to my friends in the dorms. Be respectful of the single people around you who are sick of hearing you and are also jealous. My valentine can’t be my vibrator, try to control yourself, you all know too well those walls are paper thin.
If you are planning on having a grand old time in the sheets, my best advice is to be prepared. Use the forms of contraception available on campus. There’s no reason to be ashamed or guilty for grabbing a free condom.
There is a range of contraceptive options available through Ohio Health Campus Care at Ohio University and additionally, there is free contraceptive counseling for those looking to explore different options. Yay for sex education.
When you celebrate this highly anticipated holiday of love, please be safe, ask for consent, communicate and enjoy yourself. But always prepare beforehand so you and your partner can get down and dirty without any worry. On your way to grab some flowers, be sure to grab a condom or two as well.
Control your urges to get crazy in the bedroom. You can sprinkle a few rose petals, and maybe light a candle if you’re responsible.
Have sex, of course, but there’s no need for anything too out of the ordinary for a holiday some couples don’t even celebrate. Be safe and enjoy each other, but maybe hold off on trying out everything you read in “Icebreaker.”
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
