In the bedroom, if your partner doesn’t agree with it, it should not happen. Of course, what you and your partner do in the bedroom is between you two, but it is up to you whether or not you want to record and share. Because I don’t record sex for a living, I will keep it secret and replay it in my head. In other words, don’t record me without my consent.
A little while ago, I dated a guy who was very vanilla in the bedroom. I might have taught him too much about sex because he started to try adventurous things. For example, I once found out his phone was under the bed, accidentally recording.
I knew it was an accident because I was the one who tossed his phone on the floor. I said jokingly, "Well, that's funny. Let me delete it!" Yet, he acted strangely. He was probably thinking about how great of an idea it was to keep the recording.
The next time we found ourselves in the bedroom, it was great. Suddenly, for whatever reason, I had to reach for my phone or my glasses. I noticed his phone was recording. I looked at him in shock. I didn’t remember signing a consent form to be recorded, especially for two hours. I immediately wondered what he needed it for and worried whether or not he would show someone. If he posted it somewhere, I’d personally want some profit.
I calmly asked, "Why are you recording?"
"I want to listen to it later,“ he said. After his response, I asked no more questions. I’ve definitely talked with him over the phone, where his silence was filled with soft moans, so I have no judgment. I asked him to not show anybody and to delete it when he's done with it. I don’t know if he still has the video because it was one of the last times we had sex together.
Sometimes, I sit and think about what each man I've dated has in common. Where they grab me in bed, how they sound, what they say and whether or not they record the act. More often than not, they like my commentary and moaning, so perhaps they all want to record. Only audio, though, please; my hair is definitely not going to look good.
I'm kidding. I don't want to be recorded because I’ve heard a horror story from a friend about her ex-boyfriend showing all his friends a video from the bedroom. It quickly ended with legal trouble. I haven’t heard the verdict. If you plan on recording your partner, make sure you are both of age and consenting or else it is an invasion of privacy and illegal in many states.
Consent is also very important in the bedroom because many people find it sexy when there is a conversation about pleasures and if something is OK to do. Recordings can end up damaging someone's image or opportunities in the future. If you want to keep it personally locked away on a VHS tape, it’s between you, your partner and the lock and key.
Ignoring consent can damage trust and intimacy. I wish my ex had asked first before he hit the record button, even though I would’ve said no. It seemed like he didn’t want to share everything with me, especially his sexual fantasies. Plus, the recording felt like it turned an intimate moment into something to be immortalized, and I wanted it to stay private and temporary so we could relish the next time we had sex.
Make sure that if audio or video are being recorded, you respect the other person and make sure they aren't a writer who will share those secrets.
At the end of the day, respect and consent are what make intimacy truly special. Keep it that way, unless you want to recline on the couch with your partner and a bowl of popcorn to replay the video for an unconventional date night.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
