When discussing with a friend recently, it was brought up how men often cannot find the right points of pleasure on the female body. It’s joked about how women choose not to educate or correct their partners and instead fake their pleasure, a popular phenomenon. As someone who wants to enjoy sex, I’m tired of teaching men how to pleasure me, and I’m sure other women are too.
I made it my mission to never fake an orgasm. If I don't finish, I tell my partner and move on. I am fine with it, but I’ve been told it will make my partner feel ashamed of not being able to get me to finish. In all honesty, I like the journey more than the destination, but that’s a personal opinion. If I want to have an orgasm, then I will make sure my partner knows exactly how to help me obtain one.
It is disappointing when other women and I have to teach the workings of pleasuring a woman. Generation Z is known to have less sex than previous generations. They also know a lot less about how to properly have sex because of an exaggerated version being overplayed in easily accessible movies and porn.
I try to have sex positive conversations with my partners and friends, so I can learn new things for the next time I’m in the bedroom. Still, many people don’t know about having sex.
Before you get to ripping off clothes, there’s foreplay. It’s my favorite part of the experience, rightfully so. I often try to share with my sexual partner that foreplay is how I obtain pleasure the best. I like to think kissing is the first step to achieving great foreplay.
In my relationships, I have found my partners often don’t know how to kiss. I like to believe it’s similar to a puzzle piece, where your top or bottom lip is between your partner’s top or bottom lip. Kissing is a preference, and I’ve dated some really bad kissers and have quickly corrected them. Of course, the person I first made out with taught me how to kiss, but I won’t give them much credit.
In the past year or so, I’ve been brave in telling my sexual partners exactly how I like to kiss. I’m sure they’ll tell you I’ve been too harsh; however, the make-out sessions are amazing now, thanks to me.
Once amazing kissing turns into hands under shirts or playing with the waistline, there is foreplay in the form of oral, hickies, fingering and other handplay.
I dated a guy once who had no idea even what the term foreplay meant. The first time we had sex, he begged to massage me and then did so in a great way. I quickly showed him how to finger and where my clitoris is, but then he stopped to ask me for a blowjob. It seems learning new things about my pleasure instead of just his was simply too much.
I tried not to persist because I could tell he didn’t know about foreplay. I was proven right when, after the blowjob, he told me, “Girls usually don’t do that.” Many women do not like to give blowjobs, so I figured that was the case. Over the rest of our relationship, he quickly learned more about foreplay and the benefits.
Since I try to be so sexually positive or demanding, with respect, in my relationships, I often feel like I am being vulgar or coming off as sex-obsessed. I have to remember these conversations are normal and important. Don’t be ashamed to ask questions about your partner’s needs, wants and kinks, because it can lead to a better experience for both of you.
Perhaps I should begin to explore my options more when it comes to sex. I am open to learning tips and also new things to try. So, once I get past the vanilla hurdle, my partner and I can go into the bedroom in an educational, hands-on, fun way.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
