Recently, I argued with a friend. She began to critique me for going on a few first dates. Being a single woman is hard enough, and on top of it, I felt like dating would get me labeled as promiscuous. However, I know how romantic I can be, so maybe I’m unlucky in love. It is so easy to label someone as promiscuous when being unlucky seems too hopeful.
Many female public figures have been criticized in a similar manner (i.e., Taylor Swift. They date around too much, and it always creates the misogynistic label of being used. I feel like having only three first dates in one summer means I’m being labeled as such. Some women go on more first dates than I do, and I wonder how much worse are they getting criticized.
Hooking up, I found out, is not my cup of tea. I prefer at least a nice date beforehand if I decide I want to even have sex with someone. I am leaning more towards a romantic outlook on relationships. I want to look for love.
Being so determined to find love leads you to look for someone to date. I downloaded dating apps, which makes the search easier. Then, it becomes easy to hope that each guy is the one. Then, apparently, that means you jump from relationship to relationship too fast. At least, according to my friends.
If swiping left endlessly leads to disappointment, then so will multiple dates with men who are OK enough. Yet, 70% of Americans believe true love still exists. With the dating climate shifting and romance declining through dating apps, hookup culture and new misogynistic ideas pitting women against the idea of love, no wonder people begin to drop their belief in love.
Romance movies give us an idea of what love is. We want rain-soaked confessions after a meet-cute in a coffee shop. That doesn’t happen very often, at least not to anyone I’ve met. Many argue the internet killed the meet-cute, but dating can still be romantic. You can hit it off with someone. It just takes timing and effort.
Do not feel discouraged by failure after failure. You are not being a flirt by hoping every guy is the one. Besides, no one judges men for the same thing. An ex-boyfriend told me once I had sex with someone else, he was no longer interested in me. I thought it was odd, considering he always said sex wasn’t important to him. To men, it seemed I was unattractive rather than enticing from gaining experience.
The unluckiness of the scenario with my ex-boyfriend was that he broke up with me, and so did the guy after him. It’s easy to feel unlovable when those things happen. But I know that one day I’ll find it. In the meantime, I’m done wasting time on men who have such a narrow view of female sexuality. I’ll keep looking and continue to test my luck, knowing that wanting romance and dating doesn’t make me promiscuous; it makes me human.
To avoid being labeled as unlucky or promiscuous, it’s a good idea to stay single for a while. Instead of trying to look, I’ll let someone look for me. Sounds easy enough to test my luck.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
