Before college, everyone has advice to give: which dorms to avoid, which classes to take, which bars have the best deals and to break up with your high school partner. People constantly reference the “college experience,” implying those in relationships won’t fulfill it with a partner.
Urban Dictionary gives two definitions of the college experience. One says, “a rite of passage, a time to grow up, a time to meet new people, and a time to discover your passion,” while the other definition says, “living in the dorms, drinking, drugs and a f**k ton of sex all the time.”
The second definition implies college must be done alone, a solo journey of fun, friends and whatever else comes your way, especially at a notorious party school like Ohio University. With this comes a lot of pressure and panic that may make your relationship feel like it has an expiration date of mid-August.
It’s normal for people, especially adults, to doubt young love. Starting college is a major transition, and uncertainty about whether a relationship can survive is normal.
Here’s the most important thing: Don’t make a major decision just because others tell you to. Only you and your partner know your relationship and what it can withstand, and OU doesn’t require you to be single — it’s worth giving it a shot.
Last fall, my boyfriend and I had just celebrated three years together and embarked on freshman year at colleges an hour and a half apart. During our freshman year, we made new friends, joined new organizations and spent a lot of time apart. We learned how to be our own people from miles away, and at the end of the year, our relationship had never been stronger.
It is possible to have a fulfilling, meaningful and fun college experience with a long-term partner, whether you are long-distance, medium-distance or even on the same campus.
College is about learning who you are and taking whatever path is needed to get there. This may mean a demanding class schedule, extracurriculars, travelling and time away from your partner to grow as an individual.
If your partner doesn’t respect the need for individuality and independence during college, that’s the biggest red flag.
Lisa A. Phillips from Psychology Today, who wrote a book on young love and relationships, discovered couples who stayed together during college were distinguished by their commitment to each other’s personal growth. Encouragement and selflessness are crucial. If your partner can uplift you during a difficult transition phase, one of the most common times couples break up, it's a green flag for a healthy relationship.
Phillips also writes, “If the relationship is supposed to work out, it will.” Soulmates may be an unproven phenomenon, but there is something to be said for letting a relationship unfold and develop instead of ending it because you’re afraid of the future.
There is no universal formula to a happy and healthy relationship, but communication, honesty, trust and effort will almost always do the trick.
Dr. Akeem Marsh, a psychiatry professor at NYU, writes that college relationships are different because “students come into college with more varied expectations for relationships.” If one person in a relationship wants to hang out with friends, prioritize alone time and focus on school while the other partner demands a three-hour phone call and constant texting every day, it won’t work.
All it takes is communication, a factor essential to all relationships, to establish boundaries and goals. If you’re reading this during Welcome Week and haven’t done this with your partner yet, don’t worry! There is no time better than the present to communicate.
Your college experience is yours to define. Whatever that is, whether it be navigated alone or with your partner, is your choice. If your partner makes college life more difficult, don’t be afraid to fly solo. But if you can grow, learn and have the college experience with a loving and supportive partner, there is no need to pick between love and the college experience.
If you’re reading this today with a long-term partner while in college, wondering whether or not you made the right decision to stay together before starting school, give it a chance. You don’t have to end something good simply because others expect you to.
Abby Shriver is a sophomore studying journalism at Ohio University. Please note the opinions expressed in this column do not represent those of The Post. Want to talk to Abby about their column? Email/message them at as064024@ohio.edu / @abbyshriver_
