The Halloween special of AHS brings in our favorite serial killers, but still proves the season to be disappointing.

American Horror Story’s Halloween specials have always been some of the best episodes of the season.

And after Wednesday’s episode, Ryan Murphy has proven himself semi-worthy.

Even though this season still sucks more than a leech does, the Halloween episode made me feel better wasting my time watching Hotel.

Murphy did something different this episode, which we haven’t seen in awhile, and brought in 5 of the more famous serial killers America can recognize by name. Serial killers have been brought in past seasons, but never any ubër-famous names.

So, to say the least, I wasn’t too mad that I had to watch this episode.

The episode starts off with a no-messing-around attitude and shows Ricky Ramirez, American serial killer, checking in. Ramirez died in 2013 and has a reservation for “Devil’s Night” — a get together James March has at the hotel with dead people still living and breathing...hello Murder House. He goes on and murders some husband and wife duo with a lamppost. When she doesn’t die, she runs out of her room screaming and is then killed by March (Evan Peters). I have to say, this started off a little predictable. Serial killer can’t kill the chick, the chick runs away screaming, and is killed by the other serial killer? Typical Murphy.

 eye roll animated GIF


The scene focuses on John Lowe (Wes Bentley), when he receives a phone call from Scarlett. She doesn’t want to go trick-or-treating with John, and wants to stay with her grandma instead. I mean, who the hell would want to stay and hang out with you anyway? She’s such a Debbie Downer. While talking to her, he sees TONS of Hawaiian-punch blood flowing out of the ceiling and onto all of his I’m-trying-to-solve-a-mystery-and-want-to-look-like-I’m-in-True Detective papers. He freaks out, and goes upstairs to solve the mystery. We then encounter Miss Evers trying to get a stain out of some sheets — deep character development we have — that seems to reappear no matter what she does to the sheets. There wasn’t even a backstory on this so I can’t even explain it to you.

John and Evers get to talking, and we find out that Miss Evers’ son was taken on Halloween in the 1920s after he didn’t like his costume. He was taken to a ranch, killed and his body was disposed of with Quicklime. This sounds exactly like Changeling to me.

frustrated animated GIF


We then see Alex (Chloë Sevigny) as she brings Holden home. She introduces him to their dog Jasper (again) and takes his temperature, which is 75.5 degrees. He complains about it being too bright, and that he’s thirsty. Alex walks away and goes to get him so juice. She has a little meltdown in the kitchen, and comes back to find Holden feasting on their dog Jasper and dramatically drops the glasses of juice. He complains that he doesn’t feel good, and that he wants his real mommy. As soon as I saw the dog, I knew he was going to kill it. This show is forever the most predictable.

angry animated GIF


John then finds out that Miss Evers’ son was murdered 85 years ago, and continues to do nothing and say nothing.

The scene then goes to the pool, where Holden runs into his coffin. Alex turns to see Gaga behind her (predictable), and she tells her she has all the answers to her questions. She takes Alex back to the penthouse, and tells her she takes away children who are suffering from neglect. She explains the ancient blood disorder and promises to give it to Alex for her undying loyalty. All the while, Alex is holding a gun to Gaga’s head. While she is having her little freak out, Gabriel (Finn Wittrock) comes and bludgeons her. Thank god. She was being so annoying with her little screaming mosquito voice.

RuPaul's Drag Race animated GIF


John is sitting in the bar, and Liz Taylor (Denis O’Hare) goes to give him his usual ginger ale. John explains how he was never an alcoholic just a control freak, whatever that means. This episode was filled with details that are just said and don’t make any sense. It’s so annoying. If you constantly want control, how could you be an alcoholic? Whatever. Anyways, he gets a double martini and sits down. And then, the QUEEN COMES!!! Lily Rabe walks in with some of the best realistic makeup I’ve ever seen. She looks like Aileen Wuornos, a hillbilly-prostitute-serial killer that killed seven men in Florida in 1990, that only drinks trashy beer. This character is awesome, and I’m going to be PISSED if she’s only here for one episode. John and Wuornos or the “bat-shit crazy hooker” for the lack of a better term, go to his room and start to have sex. But, Aileen goes crazy and decides to try to kill him. John overpowers her and handcuffs her to the sink. He pulls out her ID, and realizes she is not Hypodermic Sally, but the REAL Aileen (Lily Rabe).

John goes downstairs and looks at the guest book, and realizes all the serial killers from different time periods have checked in. Liz explains March’s annual “Devil’s Night” and tells John that he is on the list. He goes back to his room and finds Aileen gone and a garment bag on his bed. So, here’s my question: Is John the commandment killer? Is he dead too? What the HELL is going on???

louis tomlinson animated GIF  


John comes to room 78 for the Devil’s Night dinner. Now this was really cool. Along with Aileen, Mr. March, Ricky Ramirez, there was Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy and the Zodiac Killer. I have to say, the actors were spot-on representations of the killers too. They all looked realistic and super creepy. They decide to drink some absinthe and chat about their lives. They call themselves the “Mount Rushmore of Murder.” And they laugh and drink and eat. Seems normal. Just as the absinthe hits John, Gacy cuffs him to the chair. Ramirez dances with Aileen while appetizers are brought out for the guests. Dahmer gets a younger boy and decides he wants to trepan him in order to take control. John tries to shoot him to stop him from doing it, but since he is a ghost, it of course doesn’t work. Dumb John.

real housewives animated GIF  


Sally is outside with a rich young businessman who wants to have some fun. She takes him back up to the hotel, and dopes him up enough to kill a horse. Back in room 78, March toasts his guests and asks them to join him for dessert. Sally brings the doped-up businessman into the room and March grants her another year of solitude. Gacy puts on his extremely scary clown makeup and he pulls out enough knives for an episode of Chopped. All of the devils sacrifice him and John is freaking out. We then see Sally (John’s self-proclaimed protector) over him, telling him he must have hallucinated it all from him drinking. LOL. Sure.

walking animated GIF  


The final scene is what really stole this sub-par episode. We see Gaga and Alex lying on the bed in Gaga’s penthouse. Gaga explains how this is going to be very painful, and how she needs to surrender herself completely and allow herself to be completely ripped apart. They kiss on the bed and Gaga rips her boob open and blood flows out. Alex drinks the blood and Gaga cries. Jesus, I can’t believe this lady did all of this for some stupid, bratty kid. Yeah, I understand he’s your “one true love” and all, but this is going a little extreme for some kid who’s already dead.

modern family gif animated GIF  


This episode will probably be the best one in the season, even though it was mediocre at best. Murphy did a better job this time with originality, but other than that, it lacked substance and explanations of events. I’m hoping we see some more Sarah Paulson action in the future, but knowing Murphy, i’ll be disappointed once more.

Rating: 3/5