I've got a secret. In fact, I've got five secrets. Well, they were top secret until now anyway. I am about to share the undisclosed truths that women are too afraid to tell but that every man should know.
Ladies have simply always expected the opposite sex to understand them, but getting inside a female's head can sometimes be more challenging than passing a final exam. And, if it's likely that you're going to fail every final this week, the least I can do is inform you about what your girlfriend or best female friends are thinking. They might fail to say it, but have no fear; I'm not afraid to kiss and tell.
First off, gentleman, you must understand that women have a sex drive, a desire possibly even stronger than your own. Forget about Maxim and Playboy. Realize now that Playgirl exists. And, yes, women actually purchase it for more than just the well-written articles.
Maybe you've heard of passion parties. Girls' night doesn't necessarily consist of romantic comedies and popcorn anymore. Our get-togethers now have less to do with watching Dirty Dancing and more to do with purchasing the latest naughty knickknacks.
The second secret you should learn to recognize is that women are actually knowledgeable, no matter how simple-minded some of us pretend to be. Of course, many of us make it seem like we don't care about rebounds and running backs, but the truth is that we comprehend more than you'd think. We know about the Philadelphia Eagles' receiver, Terrell Owens, and his excessive celebration on the field, and we grasp the rivalry between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Cleveland Browns.
It might be easier for men to believe that we just aren't intelligent enough, but the secret is that we only act as if we know very little. What's our reason for this? We either don't care or we don't have the heart to tell you that you've been outsmarted by a girl.
It should be heartening for you to know this next secret, though. The secret is that no girl ever wants to be known as that girl. Time after time, females become labeled as the ones who cry, exaggerate and dramatize situations. Although women will certainly have their emotional moments, none of us find pride in crying over men. Emotion can get the best of both sexes, but the secret is that women truly are rational beings.
The fourth secret that every man should know is this: if you think you're hot, you're not; if you think you're not, you're hot. Any woman will agree that cockiness is just as unattractive as yellow teeth and a pot-belly. If you want to get anywhere, remember that confidence is next to Godliness. We want to know that you're willing to take charge but believing that you're in charge will get you nowhere.
Men, there may be times when you feel like you're getting nowhere with the opposite sex. It is at that moment when you should recall this fifth and final secret: Women are a secret. Understanding us sometimes seems like an impossible mission. Why do we go to the restroom in groups? Why do we enjoy Lifetime Original movies or reality television shows like My Big
Fat Obnoxious Fiancee? How can we manage to spend hours in the mall without tiring or getting bored?
These questions, however daunting, may remain unanswered despite every effort to uncover the truth about females. But, because I've had the pleasure of kissing and telling about women and our lives, the ladies in your life won't have to. Now you know a few of our secrets, but I guarantee that the best is still out there waiting to be exposed. For women, that may mean discovering yourself further. For men, it means digging deeper to unveil a woman's greatest secret -the one that keeps you coming back for more.
-Mara McCormick is a junior advertising major. Send her an e-mail at mara.mccormick@ohiou.edu. 17
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