I’ve been seeing this guy who I really like. The problem is, I graduate in May and he’s here for another two years. I’m starting to develop strong feelings for him and I suspect the same is true about his feelings for me. We’re definitely withholding the depth of our feelings for one another. We both just want to enjoy what little time we have left with each other. My feelings keep nagging at me and I want to talk about it openly with him, but I’m afraid that will just ruin what we have right now. What should I do?
Please help.
Signed,
Smitten Senior
Dear Smitten Senior,
This is one of many situations in the magical, mystical world of dating where what is “right” may not always be what works.
If you watch romance movies or read anything by Nicholas Sparks or with Fabio on the cover, declarations of love happen often and are dramatic. They happen in the rain, on boats, on the train, but I don’t like them, Sam I Am … Sorry, wrong book.
Fortunately, love doesn’t (realistically) work that way. This is a hard situation, but not impossible. It seems like you two have a good thing going, and obviously casual relationships can be pretty fun. But, if you have more feelings there, you’ve gotta do something.
Despite what you learned in grade school, sometimes you need to be selfish. You know why most relationships fail and end badly? It’s because people are often too polite and quiet about their desires. You do need to make these feelings known and tell him exactly what you want to come out of this (which means you need to know what you want). That’s the bummer, and that’s where my crazy movie talk comes in.
It doesn’t need to be grand, it doesn’t need to be a proposal, it doesn’t need to be right now, but it probably should happen in person. Be straightforward, be kind, but be realistic.
If you withhold these feelings, it’s probably just going to make things harder for you in the long run. This is one thing these romance movies have not gotten wrong. The “one that got away” concept caused Holly and Fred to get caught in the rain, for Harry to go crazy over Sally, and for Noah to “write (Ally) letters every day!”
If you let this slip away, despite possibly making things a little less “honeymoon-y” for the two of you, you’ll always wonder what could have happened, and honestly, that will do nothing but prevent you from being satisfied in your next relationship … and maybe cause you to build a house based on their past house descriptions … and that’s really expensive … and scary.
Long story short, keep your head up and your feelings known, and don’t be afraid of the unknown. It may just keep you from bankruptcy.
Feeling a bit uneasy about the unknown? Email Kristin at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
