It always starts with a hoodie … not your hoodie, but his hoodie. Oversized, soft and typically smells like Old Spice and bad decisions. He is funny and has a smile that makes you fall fast and far. His Spotify playlist is a thoughtless mess of Frank Ocean, Mac Miller and songs that make you think you are the love of his life. Every word he speaks comes with a smile.
And now you are falling in love with a man who doesn’t know what a 401(k) is.
Welcome to dating in college: Where ambition is cringey and red flags look a lot like indie record covers if you tilt your head just right.
The funny part of it all is that you knew. You knew the moment he put your Chipotle date on his Mom’s card. You knew it when he mentioned that it might be cool to be a SoundCloud rapper.
And still there you are sharing coffee. Lying to your friends. Making excuses. Telling yourself he’s “emotionally intelligent” because he listens to The Smiths.
This isn’t just about one naive college boy; it's about the silent expectations we put on women to carry both the love and the logistics in relationships. The 2025 college dating market has become less about partnership and more about aesthetics. Aesthetics that conveniently excuse men from accountability, goals and occasionally jobs.
It’s important to note that college men have a simple lack of motivation. In the 21st century, women have begun to outperform men in higher education. It’s suggested that this represents a decline in male motivation compared to women today.
The irony is that women, especially in college, are doing everything they can to make it to the top. We’re applying for internships, building side hustles and negotiating with landlords. The Pew Research Center says, “Women hold a rising share of high-paying occupations in the United States. They are also a growing share of managers and professionals.” Meanwhile, he’s still wearing a Carhartt beanie in 80-degree weather and is “just trying to figure things out.”
No one is expected to have it all together; that is not the issue here. But the issue is the gender gap in who is allowed to be a mess and who gets applauded for it. Men are constantly given room to be “creative” or “find themselves.” Women are told to be “supportive,” “patient” and nurturing. In other words, you become his therapist and unpaid life coach.
As college students, it is important that we stop romanticizing struggle when it isn’t shared. There is a difference between building a life together and carrying the weight of someone else’s refusal to try. One article implies that for centuries, women have been tasked with guessing at men's emotions. Today's men are not able to rationalize their own emotions.
We fall for these men due to their charming nature. Because they quote your favorite Zach Bryan song and flaunt the money they don’t have. Because they make you feel special for being the only girl that could ever “get” them. But love shouldn’t be a rescue mission. You are the unpaid intern of his emotional development.
You deserve someone who shows up. Who invests in you, in himself and a retirement plan, maybe. You deserve more than Spotify playlists and potential. Potential won’t pay bills. Potential isn’t just another cute word for “not yet.”
Fall in love with someone who knows how to file taxes and feelings. Fall in love with someone who has a plan, and not just a plan for their next tattoo. Fall in love with someone who knows what a 401(k) is or at least cares enough to look it up.
Because the hoodie isn’t worth your peace. And aesthetics? Aesthetics don’t build a future.
Heidi Bartolone is a sophomore studying communications at Ohio University. Please note the opinions expressed in this column do not represent those of The Post. Want to talk to Heidi about her column? Email her at hb963023@ohio.edu.
