It’s like this: I’d be flattered to be in your paper. Let’s get that out of the way. I like attention. Who doesn’t? Is it wrong that all I do to get on your radar is complain about trivial things? I don’t take orders. Plain and simple. Does my goatee look OK? OK, I lied. Actually, I’m quite self conscious about most things. This comes from general impotence in the bedroom — perhaps I should quit popping Adderall.
— Percival Gordon III is a senior studying business.
You guys need to shut the (expletive) up about Athens being full of a bunch of hipster vegan (expletive). It’s really full of pretencious (sic) students like you.
— Strom Boli is an Athens resident.
I am writing to ask everyone to sign my petition: Keep Athens Shoeless. I won’t succumb to the bureaucracy! Let my puppies breathe!
— Lynn Burger is a freshman studying freeform poetry.
The other day at Big Mamma’s, I had the greatest burrito I’ve ever eaten. I just wanted you guys to know.
— Rusty Spoonbender is a fifth-year senior with an undeclared major.
I think strongly about things, okay? So what if I “write for another publication” … so what if that’s “unethical” … kick rocks! JOURNALISM.
— Guy Patterson is a sophomore studying Economics of Eco-Comics.
Why can’t you ever get anything right in your “news”paper? It’s the Bobcat Knitting Circle, not the Bobcat Knitting Club! The Bobcat Knitting Club is a half-baked knockoff of OU’s only real yarn-twisting organization!
— Norma Needles is a senior studying ceramics.
I wanted to let you all know that members of the Bobcat Knitting Club will never be interviewed in The Pest ever again after you confused us with that disorganized group of needle-twirling hooligans, the Bobcat Knitting Circle. Those people don’t even know how to cross-stitch, and our reputation has been hurt immeasurably by your associating us with them. Also, we’re having a hat and scarf sale this Tuesday at 7 p.m. in Bentley 336.
— Coral Rief is a senior studying pottery.
WHY DIDN’T YOU WRITE ABOUT MY PROTEST? THERE WERE ALMOST HALF A DOZEN PEOPLE THERE! IT WAS A SIT-IN! WE SAT IN!
— Carlo Rossi is a freshman studying ethics.
We don’t necessarily “understand” journalism — but we’re pretty sure you’re bad at it.
— Dan Druff is a junior studying leatherwork.
Nice column the other day, whack-jobs! I mean, what kind of cracked-up article was that? What are you trying to pull? Do you think we’re STUPID or something? Wait, is there a difference between opinion pieces and articles that run in other parts of the paper? Never mind. (Expletive) you! You’re a disgrace to journalism and the Scripps College because that column obviously lacked journalism. Journalists should practice journalism. Journalism is a word I Googled before writing this. Go Bobcats.
— Karey Harry is a sophomore studying Economics of Pickles.
